OK IM GNNA BE SO RAEL RN BC THIS IS LOWKEY EMBARASSING 😭😭

I FEEL LIKE MY FEEELINGS TOWARDS HIM GET SO INTENSE SOMETIMES AND I DNOT EVEN KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT PROPERLY. LIKE SOMETIMES I CRAVE HIS ATTENTION SO BADLY IT ACTUALLY HURTS AND I HATE ADMITTING THAT BC IT MAKES ME FEEL SO NEEDY OR CLINGY OR WEIRD.

LIKE WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH??? WHY DOES ONE MSG FROM HIM CHANGE MY WHOLE MOOD??? WHY CAN HE MAKE ME FEEL SO HAPPY OR SO NERVOUS SO FAST??? ITS LIKE MY BRAIN JUST DECIDED “yep were obsessed now” AND NEVER WENT BACK 😭

SOMETIMES I THINK ABT HIM SO MUCH THAT IT FEELS EXAUSTING. LIKE I KEEP CHECKING IF HES ONLINE, WONDERING WHAT HES DOING, WONDERING IF HES THINKING ABT ME TOO, WONDERING IF HE MISSES ME, WONDERING IF HE ACTUALLY LIKES ME AS MUCH AS I LIKE HIM.

AND THE THING IS I DONT EVEN KNOW IF WHAT I WANT IS JUST HIM OR IF I MOSTLY CRAVE THE FEELING OF BEING WANTED BY HIM.

LIKE… I WANNA FEEL CHOSEN.

I WANNA FEEL IMPORTANT TO HIM.

I WANNA FEEL LIKE HE WNATS TO TALK TO ME FIRST SOMETIEMES.

I WANNA FEEL LIKE HE MISSES ME WHEN IM GONE.

AND WHEN I DONT GET THAT REASSEURANCE MY BRAIN STARTS OVERTHINKING SO BAD.

LIKE DID I DO SMT WRONG???

AM I ANNOYING HIM???

IS HE BORED OF ME???

DOES HE LIKE SOMEONE ELSE???

AND I KNOW SOMETIMES IM PROBABLY OVERTHINKING BUT MY BRAIN DOESNT STOP 😭

ITS SO CONFUSING TOO BC SOMETIMES MY FEELINGS FEEL SO INTENSE THAT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM. I JUST WANT CLOSENESS, AFFECTION, ATTENTION, COMFORT—SOMETHING. LIKE I JUST WANT TO FEEL CLOSE TO HIM ALL THE TIME AND WHEN I CANT IT LEAVES THIS WEIRD EMPTY FEELING.

AND I HATE HOW MUCH POWER HIS ATTENTION HAS OVER ME.

ONE SWEET MESSAGE AND IM GIGGLING SMILING BLUSHING KICKING MY FEET LIKE AN IDIAOT.

ONE DRY REPLY AND IM SUDDENLY OVERANALYZING EVERYTHING.

LIKE HELLO THIS ISNT NORMAL 😭

I FEEL SO ASHAMED OF HOW INTENSE I CAN GET SOMETIMES BC I DONT WANNA BE TOO MUCH FOR HIM. I DONT WANNA SCARE HIM AWAY. I DONT WANNA SEEM CRAZY OR OBSESSIVE.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME I CANT LIE ABT HOW STRONG MY FEELINGS CAN FEEL.

ITS LIKE MY HEART AND BRAIN BOTH TURN UP TO 100000 WHEN IT COMES TO HIM.

AND HONESTLY… SOMETIMES I THINK ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO FEEL LOVED BY HIM IN A WAY THAT MAKES ALL MY OVERTHINKING GO QUEIT FOR ONCE.

LIKE JUST FOR ONE SECOND I WANNA STOP DOUBTING AND JUST FEEL SAFE.

ANYWAYS THAT WAS EMBARASSING BYE 😭