I miss my ex..

We never even broke up, he had to leave for a few months and I began to loose interest... After he had been gone a while, I started to loose interest in the relationship.. having not even been able to talk to him... It wasn't until last night that I stayed up the whole night crying, thinking of him. I cried harder because I realized... I broke the promise many times recently... and when he comes back and finds out... we'll be over...I promised him not to think badly about myself.. or about suicide... and I said 'of course, I would be really stupid to think about that when I know we can see each other again'....

It's so hard... idk what to do anymore... I may have a new gf: Sora, but we don't really talk. Sure I may love her a lot too but- I just don't know, I know I can't have both, but I can't choose either... I'm so scared and confused.. I love them both and Sora... tends to get violent when heartbroken and sad.. and I don't want her to hurt herself because of me...