It’s true that I don’t post very often on GameJolt. Between work and my personal projects, it’s much harder than I thought it would be, because I’m often very tired. When I do post, it’s for a reason. I don’t mean to complain, it could’ve make not any sense but I want to share how I’m feeling right now.

Right now, I’m feeling tired, sad, and angry all at once. On one hand, you might think that’s normal because there are things to do, something important, or because he’s with other friends… Well, no. Absolutely not. For example, when I join a voice call to talk with friends, but it doesn’t go as planned. Why? Because when I join, people leave immediately, as if they’re trying to avoid me. On one hand, I feel bad, so I leave the voice call, even though I don’t understand what happened. So the question is: “Am I boring or just useless?”

I get the feeling that’s what they think. A few days later, I decided to go to a voice chat and wait to see if anyone would show up. Guess what? No one came.

So I exited the voice chat, and then the server where I had joined the voice chat. And cutting ties with people I met for like months/years just because of the situation of leaving immediately and ignoring me like throwing someone under the bus.

Then, in a group, someone says hello, so I say hello back. They ask me how I’m doing, I say “Meh,” and then they change the subject. I’m not going to be a teacher either, but when someone says “Meh,” it doesn’t necessarily mean everything’s fine. It could also mean the person is having a hard time or something else… And when I explain why I’m having a hard time, some people just say “Oh" and not asking "Why?".

So I’ve come to realize that some of my friends aren’t worried about me—they couldn’t care less. And it really made me feel uncomfortable to see that no one cares about me. If one day I have a heart attack, cancer, or a brain tumor, will you wonder what happened? Would you worry? I don’t think so. If you’re true friends, prove it to me. If you’re not, I have nothing else to say. But how can I get to know you?