You are loved, in many different ways and by many different people, who express it in their own way. Your vision of 'love' and how to express it isnt the only way to it, because people can show love by words, physical contact, gifts, and other ways, whatever they feel the most comfortable, so when your brother/sister/mother/father tells you to not to put your hand in the fire because youll burn yourself, its because they love you, and therefore, they care about you and want your good. Sure, your parents may not understand what youre doing sometimes, but it doesnt mean their love is gone, no.

You know why your siblings fight with you? Because hell, its only normal to these to happen, because life is having your ups and downs constantly changing, and having this change to change, but despite that, even if your siblings swear at you, they dont want you dead.

And you know why? Because youre unique. Biologically speaking, you won a race with many other sperms, and to be born the way you are is a miracle. If you can hear, congrats! Many are deaf. If you can speak, congrats! There are people mute in this world. If you have arms and legs, congrats! Many dont.

Dont you see the things you gotta be grateful for? How much of a blessing this all is? Because a thousand things couldve gone wrong in your birth, yet here you are, and to be right here, going through your own hell, just to get to this point is already an achievement, and no, achievements dont need to be big right now, getting out of bed is already an big achievement if you dont have the energy to.

My advice for you, to this same day that keeps looping, is.. youre gonna have to break the loop. What do you do everyday? Do you speak to people? Interact with them? If youre anxious to do so, dont worry, nobody is really judging you for every error you commit in your speech, cuz we are not machines, we do stuff wrong, we apologize, we learn, we grow, were not something static, and thats another reason youre gonna have to speak with someone of your trust about this hell thats been your mind lately, because fighting it alone is harder, itll eat your insides, like a cruel virus, but remember, in this fight youre not the only one going through this, and youre not alone, even if you think you are, there are so many people that love you, around you, you just need to reach out to them, and if you dont trust them, call the suicide hotline and pour your heart out, just never stop trying in this life, its the only one you have.