I feel like they despise me, they have better friends than me and they know it, im just here to be a backup incase anything goes wrong with their other friends I suppose, only talked to when theres nobody else to talk to them.

My mental health is getting worse, the environment around me is affecting it, my house isn't clean theres dirt and bugs everywhere, I even found a potato on the ground that'd been there for a while growing stuff from it, unless I get up and clean the house it won't get cleaned but I cant even take care of my personal hygiene, im filthy, dirt covers my body more than it ever has, I'm having trouble finding the motivation to take care of myself, I even hate eating now which is odd for me, my teeth are yellow, my face covered in acne, and dirt is clinging to my skin, its getting bad and I feel disgusted by myself

My dad called me fat despite the fact im 75 pounds and hes the chubby one, that made me feel bad, I was eating yogurt when he said it, I thought yogurt was healthy I dont know why he said that. He keeps picking on me and annoying me on purpose, I feel bad for getting mad at him for annoying me

My mom keeps saying transphobic things, she doesn't know im trans but it still hurts, especially when she talks about Ezekiel and deadnames him on purpose.

I can't even eat dinner, my dinners aren't even proper meals, or maybe they are but I don't know, I wouldn't consider meatballs slapped on a cold Hotdog bun a meal, I couldn't even eat it, bugs were swarming me, they got on my plate and onto my food in a matter of seconds making me throw away the food, wasting what I could of eaten, but im not risking it those bugs are riddled with diseases

My mom got obsessed with poly.ai recently, she's on it 24/7 chatting away to ai bots, if I even try to ask her something she gets pissed, I dont feel good at all

And I've recently been feeling like my friends hate me, all of them. They hate me, everyone hates me, that's how it always ends up, I friend someone, get to know them, then they hate me. That's how it always ends up and I dont know why, am I that bad of a friend? They're going to leave sooner or later, or maybe they'll keep me, as a backup friend. The friend on the side only talked to for venting or if their other friends are offline, that's all I am, all I ever will be. My only escape from the reality of my environment and to pry me from my thoughts is art, but even that feels weird, I haven't been able to draw how I usually do recently and I've been getting mad at every single thing,

Okay wow I sound cringe asf yeah okay why tf did u read all this

Here a croissant for reading Oliver's midnight spiral