I've never really done these, the last time I did was way back in the day but I don't think anyone cares enough about me that if I scream into a void that is gamejolt nothing will happen.

I think it's been made a bit known to my friends and maybe some outside this little inner circle of a few people that I've wanted to be a writer, and where do I get my start? Fnaf. My real start was Fnaf back in the days of 2015 when I wrote my first Fnaf fanfiction, my own take on the "Stuffed Mod"... this is one of the reasons I have such a big connection to it.

It's something I want to pursue and make a career out of, writing is a passion of mine, it's why I did reviews... that aren't happening this is not a post of them returning. But lately, I've grown a little... I don't know how to describe it. Call it jealous, call it envious, I don't really know. Either way, it's been affecting me mentally.

One time I posted about a little AU I was working on called "Crumbling Dreams" it was something I was proud of that I wanted to share, and I was a little too hyped I accidentally shared it on Gamejolt. I thought this was actually a good thing, it was something I liked, it was something I loved doing. From there, I shared updates and then I kinda dipped, something happened with me mentally with the project and I eventually dropped it. I think about returning to it sometimes but with recent things in the Fnaf community, specifically with some of the people I hang out with, I ended up seeing something a little disappointing with myself.

I'm not really that original.

If you want my deadass honest opinion, when it comes to fan stuff, I could give two fucks about originality in Fnaf. It's a Fnaf fangame/fan novel/whatever the fuck, see if I care? As long as you're having fun making it, you should continue doing it. And I had fun making the things I make, rewriting other fangames, making little AU projects if you wanna call it that. It was fun, but as I'm making more and more, talking with more people, seeing how the community reacts to things, it became less fun. The best way I could describe it is imagine you're in the middle of a crowd and you want to have something to say, but the thing you want to say is the exact same thing as everyone else. You lose a bit of that leverage of "This is my take on things" when your take... is exactly the same as everyone else's. I've always believed that when it comes to fan stuff, pulling out a random ass example, a Fnaf remake, people had their own little twists and ideas. To me, I liked hearing those own little twists and ideas, though when it comes to me? I feel like my own little twists and ideas aren't really special.

Good for me, I can develop characters better than Scott Cawthon, so can literally everyone else.

I always thought that if you were having fun, that's what mattered in the end, and then later on I thought that being original with your work could be better but that honestly comes off as pretentious I'll be honest. Trying your damn hardest to stand out when making a Fnaf fangame by having some weird hype moments and aura shit doesn't sit right with me. Maybe that is the right path but I don't know if that's what I want. But to be honest? I actually don't know what I want. Maybe it's fatigue from the franchise not being in the best place right now (#ThankYouScott), maybe it's writing burnout, maybe I'm getting the wrong ideas from people. I don't know to be honest.

I want to make something with the franchise I hold dear to my heart, and yet when I make something, I don't feel satisfaction, I don't feel hatred for my works, I just feel... wrong. Like this isn't right, this isn't how things should be done. Maybe I've grown to be pretentious or something, that or things were better when I was sixteen or seventeen making novels with chapters that were exactly three pages long all the time (never sharing those btw).

I have been more open to sharing things, maybe I'll share some of the things I've made in the past to try and get feedback to see what I can do to be better about this, maybe not cause I'm a coward idk.

I feel like I'm lost in a maze, and I don't really know how to get out.