It was always there

Patiently waiting for me to see the world's true shape

I don’t remember when it started

How It took so much space everywhere in my life

An invinsible parasite towering over me

Silently growing

Its claws slowly shattering my body

Filling my lungs with a burning smoke

Violently twisting my guts

Pressing against my skull

It peers in my head

Forcefuly diging out the bad memories

The disgusting and horrible thoughts

And when it hurts the most

It reminds me of them again

And again

And again

And again

Toying with them

With me

Making me wish I could forget it all

Wish I could scream

Wish I could cry

Anything to get the pain and suffering out

But nothing

Not even a tear

It just stays where It is

Boiling

Growing

Everyday It gets heavier and heavier

It makes it harder to get out of bed

Harder to go outside

Harder to do anything

My friends

My family

It scares them

It pushes them away from me

It hurts them

It wants me to be alone

It wants all of my attention

So that It can grow even larger

Until I get crushed under It’s weight

Paralized

Unable to do anything but rot away

It will never let go

I can’t fight It

I can’t get rid of It

The claws are unmovable

The wounds are too deep

I’m stuck with It

Until the end of it all

And now

Stuck with my darkest thoughts

There’s one question silently echoing through my skull

The only question that makes sense

“Why do you keep going ?”

…

If only I knew...