Youre stronger than you think, cause yo be here means so much already, it shows how blessed you truly were, to be given this life, to have the comfort, to have food, to have an arm, a leg, to see, to speak, these are all blessings because you couldve been born without one of these things, and you know how hard it would be? Isnt this emough to give your life value? Isnt knowing that your lifes the product of your parents hard work enough to give it value? Cause imagine decades ago, when abusive relationships woman/male were normal, imagine when having a partner could be seen with bad eyes by your grandparents, and yet, your parents fought all their own demons, making out of a deeper hole, and from their victory, a beautiful being was born; you. Cant you see this is tbe why to your life, the why youve been searching for so damm long? Dont wait for someone you love/like to understand you, because yes, they may never understand, but that doesnt mean youre alone, theres always a therapist, the suicide hotline, never stop searching someone to share the pain, because itll make you feel so, so lighter, and itll help you to cope with it, ill also recommend meditation, which can be simple lofi, asmr, or anything that makes you relax, just so you can calm down, take a step back from the hell, because its best having a clear mind, not trying to come up with another way to escape from this world with death, and no, your past doesnt defines you, its something that's already happened,what can you do about it? Travel back and undo it? No. Life moves forward, and it needs you to follow them, whatever it is that you keep remembering everyday before bed, i can assure you,theres nothing you can do NOW to change that, and the future is not yours, not mine to think about, start asking yourself how and what you can do RIGHT NOW to change your life, what habits can you change? Write in a paper and FORCE yourself to follow them to ride out of this hole, to the light of the sun

And i know its hard, easy to complain, but please, try what im suggesting. These demons are cruel, i know, but its not enough reason to rob your life from us, the people that love you truly, that why i always say for you to cry, to sleep, to do anything, anything but suicide.

I love you, and i want you to Proceedin life. Xoxo my dear hurt friend - Luca