Hi! Azure here again! (if anyone still remembers me-)

Its been a year since ived talked or been active at all in this site, which is kinda crazy if im being honest as i really havent noticed how much time has passed, i remember how i said i would return but that was a year ago lol, ived actually did want to return at that time but i didnt for a few reasons which im going to mention in a bit.

A few weeks ago i wanted to post this little "talk" about how ived truly been feeling but i felt nervous about actually doing it, though i dont want to leave everyone in the dark anymore and deserve a explanation.

Ever since ived joined gamejolt 5 or 6 years ago ived always struggled with my anxiety, even before joining i was someone that was very shy around people on what i do or say and always assumed the worst, i was always cautious on my actions or words and always stayed silent or avoided them. When i started to post on gamejolt and make friends i never mentioned anyone about my anxiety, ived always felt afraid i would get judged or made fun of by how i was, my mind would imagine different bad outcomes of what could happen and was really never good honestly. Another problem i had was about my art, i enjoyed making art, it was my favorite thing to do in my free time, i wanted to make fnaf fan games with my ideas and even worked on them, though i had a problem with comparing my work with others, more talented people, more popular artists, whenever i see their work i would feel very anxious about the work ived made, i would think it wasnt good enough, not perfect, i would go back and redo it, over, over and over again, it needed to be perfect, i wanted to impress everyone that followed me, i always had this in my mind when doing art for my games which is honestly the reason why i never really finished them. That is how i am, i felt like that for 5 years while being in this site, i wanted to mention this first as it was one of the reasons why i left and to be honest about how i am in reality, a anxious and shy person that will always think of the worse.

After a few years it would get so bad i would stop posting at all on this site, and if i did i would make it very short on purpose, eventually i just stopped and gave up entirely on drawing or making games thinking i would never be good enough to impress anyone, i cancelled and left all the games i would work on and just leave to instead just live my life.

After a bit, a few months ago i decided to start taking therapy and i would tell him about my anxiety, which we would haved worked on during my school year, at first i thought it would be worthless as i didnt have faith in myself, i didnt think id ever be someone other than a coward but overtime i started being.. less anxious, after some time i was making progress and being less anxious, my therapist and i haved noticed and i got congratulated, sure i was still anxious and still am to this day but its not so bad as before, i started telling my friends about it and they understood, i didnt get judged like i think i would and im glad i was proven wrong.

If im being honest if it wasnt for my therapist or support from my friends i woulved still been doing nothing with my life, i wouldnt haved made this post ever or get back to making art but now i learned that its okay if its not perfect, its my work and i should feel proud of it, which im actually am now for the recent arts ived made.

I apologize for leaving like that out of nowhere or not saying about how i truly am, for not mentioning about my anxiety, i wanted to write this as a update for anyone who still cares about me (which i highly doubt tbh but still), i wont promise i will return but i will try when i feel ready.

Lastly i want to thank my therapist and to all my friends that supported me and accepted me, especially to @breadloverreal as if it wasnt for everything he told me i woulved proved not gotten any better, i cant thank all my friends enough for their support, i love them so much for that reason and i dont know what i would do without them.

Sorry if well.. the writing is long and not good, or if there is spelling errors or repeating words, im honestly not used to writing long stuff about myself or my life but i tried my best to make sense. If you read it everything up to here, thank you for reading, it means so much to me :3.