Hmmmm, you know, it sucks to be alive. Thats off topic though. I am here to talk about my COMPLICATED LOVE LIFE! So like... there may be this boy... who I am... obsessed with. A lot. And good news, he is gay, which whoop-dee-doo, so am I (haha I am a man kisser). But, when he one day tells me he has a confession, I am the first person he is telling, and it is...

He likes somebody. Not me. Some random dude. Its weird because it didn't even hurt, just sort of was like an "eh, I knew it never would work" moment. But I don't feel any less for this guy who I know doesn't like me, so know I am here HELPING him get to this other guy, and doing my best to pass as this guy who just really wants a good friend. When I do. But I want a little more than that from him.

And I just had a whole thing today where I vented about all of my friendship problems to him, it was good, but even in those texts I had to change a lot of what I meant to make sure I never gave away the fact I like him.

And I can't even say anything because I know he likes somebody else and I know what the answer will be, so might as well not break my own heart, but I know I will eventually have too.

Sometimes I think I might have a chance, but I always shut myself down, and I don't even know if at this point its worth it even to do that, might as well just be reckless and hate myself anyways.