Hey.

I've been keeping this to myself for a while now, and I hate to have to dump this on y'all, I kept this from y'all not because of the fear of getting made fun of, but mainly because I am really ashamed to have to admit this, but I feel like I have nowhere to go but here and I'd appreciate if you took the time to read what I need to get off my chest. I've also decided to pin this post, because I can use as much advice as I can get.

Possibly a few of you may know that my drawing/art skills are next to none. I can kind of (Keyword: Kind of) do pixel arts, although I have seen an improvement over time, but even then, I feel like it's just not enough. For the most part I feel like my "art style" is too generic and overall, completely unskilled, to the point where even a 3-year-old can recreate it. All I know is that it requires a lot of muscle memory, which I just straight up don't have. I've been struggling with drawing for well over a year now, and for the most part I brushed it off, because I thought pixel art is the best I can do, but recently I've been looking more into it, and have been having some serious doubts, I have been doing research and I found out that I can take well over 5 years to learn, but in all honestly I don't think I have the mindset to go for 5 years of my life, just to learn a skill that's only going to be beneficial for only so long. I mean, how much longer will it take for all of my friends and followers to turn against me over something I did when I was idfk 13 years old? Or someone releases a fake Twitter document about me, and everyone just believes it. Will humanity even be stable in the next 10 years? Or will the murder of innocent lives will be normalized, to the point where I may not be around in the future? All in all, would it even be worth it to try to get better? I don't even know if I will ever get the skills necessary to make good shit. Now onto some questions I know that will be asked:

Why not go to art school?

As I said, it can take over 5 years to learn this skill, and I don't think I'd be willing to do more school than I am now, maybe in the future, since I’ve only just started college, and I want to take things slow and steady. As I previously said in my recent vent post, I've had to put up with so much bullshit in High school and Middle school, I hated every bit of it. From making new friends, just to be ditched within the next year, getting called a transphobe by some fatass who wants to give me a bad look for whatever reason, when I know damn well, I'm not a transphobe, and the list goes on sadly. Whenever I come home from school, I’m mentally drained and do not have the energy to do anything productive. I did take an art class in my junior year, but I didn't learn jackshit, and the overall environment was just asscheeks, and my biggest fear is having to sacrifice every bit of my free time to achieve art skills, I know damn well I’ll end up having a mental breakdown.

Why not hire an artist?

Not only would it be less expensive. I want to have a sense in pride in myself, knowing I can do shit by myself, and it will save me the trouble of having to explain in deep detail of what I am expecting from the results to be.

AI Art?

No. Just NO.

Why not just practice every day?

Sounds like a great idea, but I want to be able to see progression. I know a few people who "taught" themselves how to draw, and I have so many questions about this. How the fuck is that even possible? How do you teach yourself if you have little to no knowledge about drawing to begin with? I know that sounds literal, but that's beside the point. I mean if it works, then I'm more than happy to make shitty fanarts every day as long as I can visibly see improvement. You know it would be nice to draw something that isn't just pixel art. I know some people who probably have a lower IQ than me (No offense) that can make good shit, so that does give me a bit hope.

Why not watch tutorials?

FUCK NO! CHRIST GOD NO! I've watched countless of tutorials and not a single one of them have helped me in the slightest, I'd rather be told to just "Get Good" than anything.

I really am willing to improve. I just so happened to have a huge imagination, and I'd love to show y'all, but I don't have the skills to do so. I'm not concerned on learning how to develop games, because that's what I'm already doing. I care about my followers and friends unlike some developers, and I really want to make you guys proud! I've been feeling like a total failure, and I have doubts if I will ever get good. I just really wish somebody invented a machine where you go unconscious for the next couple hours and wake up and bada bing bada boom, you have the knowledge and skills you to make good art, no questions asked. I know that's too much to ask for, and sounds like it would cost a fortune, but I'm willing to sacrifice anything for that to happen. I want to know how to draw as fast as possible. If anyone has any advice or any stories about learning how to draw, or whatever the fuck is it. I would be more than delighted to hear it!