i'm so fucking done. all my stress is beginning to overwhelm me completely.

the constant threat of having to be perfect, it's all my fault.

the constant pressure brought on my parents, who'll take away the only things that make me "happy" in life. that's not the way to motivate me, that's the way to make me feel worse.

get this, they literally said that if i didn't bring a grade up by christmas, i don't get to open anything until i bring my grades up.

if it gets to that point, and they take away all my stress relievers, it's all gone to shit.

i can barely take this anymore. home is supposed to be a good break from the challenges and stress from school, but now i'm starting to think that school is somewhat BETTER.

because there, i have friends who'll let me talk about anything. sure, that's the main cause of my stress, thinking i'll never be good enough for my friends' attention, and frankly, i do not deserve it. i'm so pathetic and useless, that i should just fucking die by now.

i want to go downstairs right now, and get one of the knives or anything sharp, and just, cut. that's it.

i want to die now, but at the same time, i don't want to.

everything is conflicting for me.

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this is the end of this vent post. i'm truly sorry for anyone that has to talk to me. i don't deserve it. i don't deserve you.