First off, I want to apologize to not posting so much like I used to, my father has been really pressuring me lately and sometimes yells at me. It gives me a lot of stress and sometimes I cry and my dad does not give a shit.
With my mom, I have anger issues and she knows. But, when I get mad she just yells back which makes my anger issues worsen. And this makes me feel like my family doesn't love me. Everyday either in the shower or at school or maybe before bed I think about killing myself. But of course my brain says my family will cry and I don't want that, but then I think again on how my family treats me. But at school, luckily my teachers are nice but they still pressure me with homework-- but thats just school, its just the students. I can't even draw people without being called a furry, even if its literally just a person with no animal features. ITS STUPID! This one kid set his profile picture as a furry just a few weeks ago and people noticed and bullied him until he changed it. (people still tease him about it and I feel bad, this teasing includes some of my friends.) But my friends most of the time just use me to talk about drama, or their stupid crushes. Now, since I have anger issues most of the time I can't take a joke and my friends don't give a shit and yell at me for not being able to take a joke. (My friend made a racist joke where they drew a monkey and put the name of a black kid at our school right next to it with an arrow pointing to the monkey. I got mad at her for that and she got mad back.) Another thing about me is last year I used to kick people as jokes because at my last school my friends did that and just laughed it off, so I thought it was normal. Of course, my friends were good and got me to stop but they did it in the worst way possible. They yelled at me and would call me a bitch and they all took each others side and just didn't care about the fact I started to tear up because when the fights happened, I felt like nobody loved me. My friends are the only good thing I have in life that I feel like care about me, so when that happens I usually go to the bathroom and cry. I keep wondering if I should tell my counselor, but if i do she will tell my mom and I am scared I will go to rehab or whatever it is called. (2 of my friends have gone there already, one went last year and the other went a while ago.) Basically, what I am trying to say is so many stressful things are happening in my life that I am currently dealing with. I think I may have to resume that break until most of it is over... just know that I feel bad for not being able to post. If I don't come back, you might know what happened.

Thank you for reading, good bye.