general in Vents/therapy

For venting or if you just need therapy
i just LOVE having a rare HAPPY moment between me and my brother
just for my mother to P!SS ME OFF and RUIN IT
i mean sure, i dont take care of myself, but YELLING AT ME DOESNT HELP
its called i lost my father when i was 9 so of course it fucked me up

Why have I tried to make myself a stone-heart person when I was 14..?
I'm... I'm really regreting from doing it right now... I want to feel normal...
Why love is a confusing feeling for me..? Just why..?
Idk why.... But I'm feeling depressed again...


I feel kind of bad
the last things me and my gf said on our recent phone call
gf: "call tomorrow?"
me: "sure, if i'm still alive by then."