Reimagined: Non-Canon

This is the game of all time. It has graphics. It has music. It has storyline. It has grammar. It has MOGE-KO. That’s right. Moge-ko. The goat girl with a knife and a questionable obsession with meat products. I played this game and immediately forgot how to do taxes. My sleep schedule? Obliterated. My friends? Gone. My snacks? Devoured by an army of tiny moge minions in my fridge whispering “prosciutto... prosciutto...”

You think you’ve played games before? WRONG. You haven’t played ANYTHING until you’ve been thrown into the eternal meat dimension with a bloodthirsty anime goat girl and a talking bunny who looks like he regrets every life decision he’s ever made. I booted up the game and within 15 minutes I was crying, laughing, and questioning my place in the universe. This game has more emotional range than a Studio Ghibli movie on fast forward while someone plays Megalovania on a kazoo in the background.

Halfway through, I got jump-scared by a JPEG of a prosciutto leg. Then Moge-ko told me she wanted to eat me and honestly? Valid. She’s iconic. She could vaporize me with a stare and I’d say thank you. There was a hallway that looped infinitely and I swear my soul aged 30 years in there. Then a pigeon called me a slur in Morse code. Was that part of the plot? No idea. 10/10.

The graphics made me feel like I was stuck inside a Windows 98 screensaver with trauma. The music slapped harder than a wet fish in a wind tunnel. And the grammar? PERFECTION. I saw the word “Meat-sama” spelled correctly every time and honestly that’s more consistency than my actual life.

I played this game and my cat started speaking backwards Latin. My fridge defrosted itself and whispered “Moge-ko is coming.” My cousin walked in during a cutscene and hasn’t made eye contact with me since. There was a moment where I genuinely thought the game softlocked but it was just Moge-ko staring into the fourth wall and into my soul. I haven’t been the same since. I saw her in my dreams last night. We shared a sandwich.

Also I found a secret room where a bunch of Moge-kos were chanting around a cardboard cutout of Gordon Ramsay wearing a maid outfit. I don’t know if that was part of the lore or my PC overheating but it changed me as a person.

In conclusion: this game cured my boredom, broke my spine (emotionally), summoned three separate cryptids into my house, and now I can no longer hear the word "meat" without twitching violently. Highly recommended for anyone who enjoys chaos, cursed energies, and the sensation of being spiritually grilled on an anime barbecue of despair.

Game of all time. 100/10. Would let Moge-ko chase me through a flesh hallway again. No notes. Only prosciutto.

my favorites game