I did not come up with this list myself. It was a translation from Dutch, with a few points replaced as a few things won't make sense at all if you are not well versed in the Dutch language or culture

The original Dutch article can be found here

Everybody has to deal with red traffic lights. But what to do while waiting? Well, at least NOT these things!

100 - Taking a nap
The cars behind you like this so much they'll use their horns waking other people up in the process.
99 - Singing along out loud with music.
You have a fantastic singing talent, we'll believe that. But please, keep it for yourself.
98 - Trying to pick up the car next to you.
We understand you're feeling lonely, but the car next to you won't fill the void in your heart.
97 - Having a wild fantasy about a teacher at school
We know that miss Sandra was sweet, but keep that for when you're home.
96 - Watching the last episode of your favorite soap.
People behind you didn't make it that far yet, so likely you'll spoil the story for them.

95 - Spreading junk on social media
Mostly you don't have enough time before the traffic light turns green again, leaving your post a mess.
94 - Making a wheely
You are standing still at a traffic light. You're not gonna make it.
93 - Finishing your homework
You got your driving license and are probably no longer at school, so no more homework to do.
92 - Playing Neopets
Even when you are not dealing with a red light you shoudln't do this anymore.
91 - Hacking the traffic light
Traffic lights have a very strong security system, and will keep red when somebody tries to hack them. You will be standing still for a looooong time

90 - Calling grandma
You know her, she will keep talking on. The traffic light will never stay on red long enough for her to finish her story.
89 - Reading this list
You still have 88 items left. You don't have time for that.
88 - Creating this list (and translating it)
If you thought reading takes a long time, think about it who long it took to write (and translate) this list
87 - Calling the police
Although they claim to be your best friend (that's the Dutch slogan about the police), they mostly don't like it when yuo call them.
86 - Playing Pokemon Go.
It's not 2016 anymore. Just remove it from your phone.
85 - Making donuts
In order to make donuts you kill your tires. There ain't new ones for sale here.
84 - Making donuts
In the car you don't have the proper equipment to make donuts. Especially not when you want to fill them.
83 - Calling the fire department
We understand the red light "burns", but that's not a reason to call the fire department..
82 - Feeding your snail
Come on, you're reading this list partially due to nostaliga. Here is the reference.
81 - Working out your Elmo voicestem
You'll sound ridiculous, just don't!niet.

80-71

80 - Playing "I'm going on vacation and I'll take with me"
When you lose, your fingernails may break off, and that makes driving nasty.
79 - Saying "Bloody Mary" three times to the mirror
She won't come onto your back seat for a nice chat. I've already tried this for you.
78 - Using Soviet-Russia logic
"in Soviet-Russia, you stop traffic light."
77 - Making pancakes
People around you will get hungry and try to steal your pancakes.
76 - Pretend to be in Lingo
GREEN!!! GREEN!!!
75 - Recode Windows XP

74 - Playing "Eye spy"
Eye spy and the traffic light is still red!
73 - Do a step outside the car
The traffic light can sense it when you step out of your car and will immediately turn to green.
72 - Laugh about old jokes
People around you are annoyed already and won't appreciate humor.
71 - Listening to Radio 1 (The Dutch news channel)
No matter you are waiting so long for a red light, this is never an option!

70-61

70 - Listening to BNR
Could have put this on spot #71, but this way I can fill this list a little.
69 - Taking care of your bank affairs
This will only make you feel unhappy.
68 - Changing lanes
A traffic light can smell this, and will keep red an extra while longer.
67 - Insulting the traffic light
It's a traffic light, not a person. You won't hurt it!
66 - Attack Traffic Light LvL 25
Human LvL 1 Attacked Traffic Light LvL 25
Nothing happened
Traffic Light LvL 25 Used Red light
Super effective!
65 - Overthink how much longer you'll wait for this red light.
Star dairy, day #246: The Traffic Light is still red
64 - Petition to replace the traffic light with a roundabout
See 100 reasons why roundabouts are nasty.
63 - Shaving your beard
If you lose control, you can die.
62 - Calling your friends
You even have those?
61 - Watching soccer

“TWell, the ball is round, but unfortunately there isn't a soccer match yet.”
~ Johan Cruijf about the idea to watch soccer

60-51

60 - Drive through red light
Don't do it! This will give the traffic light the idea it doesn't have any value for society.
59 - Watching memes

58 - Discuss things with the traffic light
The traffic light will come up with one argument after another, and all that will happen is that you get annoyed.
57 - Thinking about mathematics with cheese
But, you get more cheese, but those are more holes, thus leaving less cheese, making you need more cheese.

56 - Try to read the traffic signs around you.
Damn! You don't get it anymore! Why is it all so difficult?
55 - Reading other lists with 100 points
You already spent an hour. You missed the green light 3 times by now.
54 - Play Dungeons and Dragons with the traffic light
Okay, just cast a d20, and see if it want to join the game
1.
The traffic light doesn't wanna play DnD with you
53 - Pretend to be a bringer of the word of God
The traffic light is a Jehova, and likes to know more about you.
52 - Quit breathing
You'll die? What's next?
51 - Reading your WhatsApp messages
We just found out, you don't have any friends. Who the hell would app you?

50-41

50 - Playing Monopoly
Go directly to the red light. Don't pass through "Go", you won't receive $200
49 - Sticking up your middle finger to the police
If you are white you'll get yourself fined, and if you are black you'll have four warning shots in your back before you know it.
48 - Shoot the traffic light
It may no longer be red, but it also won't be green.
47 - Painting the traffic light green
Likely takes longer than just waiting.
46 - Calling the traffic light names
You damn Bobba Traffic light! Just get the flu, will ya!
45 - Playing Runescape
F*ck, loaded the new version! I don't get it anymore.
44 - Making a "you got two cows" referrence.
You got two cows, and the light is still red.
43 - Having a sip of your coffee
As soon as you try to sip your coffee, the traffic light will turn green forcing you to move on immediately and the coffee will be spilt all over your body.
42 - Drive to the fire wound center.
After the debacle with your coffee you wanna go to the fire wound center. Unfortunately the next traffic light on your way will be red.
41 - Make a Johan Cruijf quote

“Tsja, the light can be red, or it can be green. But that's only logical.”
~ you as Johan Cruijf about traffic lights

40-31

40 - Reading your notifications.
"You are waiting before a red traffic light"

39 - Trying on to click a link, while it ain't a link
I can't believe this ain't a link.
38 - Borrowing Rita Verdonk's car.
The traffic light will be green, but your car won't start anymore.
37 - Writing a play
Green light, o green light, wherever thou might be?
36 - Making up a Super Smash Brothers character
You get the idea for a weed plant
35 - Watching Rick and Morty
Your IQ is likely too low to understand this show.
34 - Thinking about Brabant
Because there the green light burns (reference to a Dutch song by Guus Meeuwis)
33 - Driving backwards
Likely somebody is behind you
32 - AAAAAAA AAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA AAA AAAAAA
AAAAA AAAA AAAAAAAAA AA, AAAAAA AAAAA AAAAAAAA!
31 - Eating bread with peanut butter.
You're allergic to nuts.

30-21Bewerken

30 - Eating a banana.
All you've left is the peel, and your car spins 360 degrees.
29 - Joining A.A.P.J.E.S. (Inside joke, don't try to understand)
The AIVD (Dutch secret service) gets mad and sends you to jail.
28 - Visit Uncyclopedia
Ei em sorry, Ei doe not speek well of the Engels

Even this fast boy can't beat a red traffic light

27 - Take the bus
The bus will be stopped by the red light
26 - Speaking Game yargon to the traffic light
Green light; "BrB"
25 - Summing up the alphabet
That'll be wrong. KLM has flown away.
24 - Remove the traffic light by budget cuts
Odd as it may seem, the traffic light is pretty cost effective. The asphalt however has been removed due to budget cuts.
23 - Writing a comic
First picture: You arrive at a traffic light. Second picture: It turns red. Sevenhundredeleventhousandthreehundredfiftyeighth picture: The light is still red
22 - Go backward and find a quicker road.
Didn't we just find out somebody is behind you. Can't you read?
21 - Pushing the traffic light over
You not driving a goddamn tank, are you? If you are driving a tank, then you wouldn't care about a traffic light, would you?

20-11

20 - Involve the traffic light in a conspiracy theory
The traffic light has been put to red by aliens!
19 - Use a cheatcode to turn the light green
Up up down down left right left right b a start
18 - FORGET TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK
THE TRAFFIC LIGHT WILL KEEP ON RED!
17 - Hocus pocus light go green
The traffic light uses a counter spell and remains red
16 - Remember your oven at home is still on
Suddenly you see a red flame at the spot where you home is. A flame just as light as the traffic light.
15 - Remember what your driving instructor would do
"When it's red you got to wait."
14 - Calling the authorities to say the you suspect the traffic light to be defect.
"The traffic light does function the way it should, sir! Are you calling from a car?"
13 - Search for the treasure
You are waiting for a traffic light. Where do you wanna look? The glove box?
12 - Quote a random article on the net
Like this one, or this one or this one.
11 - Look yourself up in the the quote 500
You can look a long time, but you'll never find yourself.

10-1Bewerken

10 - Folding a paper plane
And for god's sake, what use doe it have?
9 - Pretend to be in Freek's wild world. (Freek is a Dutch zoologist having a show)
Look, look, look, look, on your wind screen, a little fly! Animals!!!
8 - Doing a traffic theory exam

What will you do?

A: Nothing

B: Nothing

C: Nothing

7 - Wonder why this is not obvious for Captain Obvious.

6 - Getting a heart attack
You're dead again!
5 - Thinking up a TV show that doesn't exist yet, but will be a success
Your idea has been stolen already by John de Mol
4 - Condemn the traffic light for racism

3 - Negotiate with the traffic light
Okay, if you will turn green, that I'll drive on! Deal?
2 - Selling the traffic light on the internet
Offered for sale! Red traffic light! Hardly used! Place your bid. Being sold because I don't like the color.
1 - Reading a manga with the traffic light as main protagonist
Ooooh, traffic lihg-chan, baka

Don't ask me how long it took me to translate this. I wrote this translation in August, and scheduled it to appear in February, so by the time you read this, I doubt I remember it!

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