Y'know, it kinda sucks being Trans. Its mostly because I don't sound Trans, my parents are unsupportive, I can't bind my chest when I want to, etc etc.
Along with that, I can't be open about my clothing choices and/or taste because my parents say it "makes me look like a boy"
Which I mean - Is what I'm going for. I just wish I could be perfect for them but also be myself.
I'm afraid to look at myself in the mirror without my facemask because I just - I look weird. I'm scared to show people the real me because if I do, what if people think I'm ugly ? I feel like people lie to me just to be nice - What if my voice is weird or feminine ?? What if my body shape is too chubby - I'm not the skinny cute Trans boy everyone thinks I am.
I look disgusting. Weird - Disgraceful, even.

The little girl within me just isn't there anymore - Its just an empty void, and that void is me. I am the void. I ruined my life by simply learning more about myself - How naive. Now I'm skittish and panicky all the time, my anxiety getting the best of me everyday. Not only that, but I stay in my house all the time. I can't go outside or go do anything with friends.

I'm stuck here in this hellhole

Yet, I'm scared that if I fail, they might hate me. I'm scared to show my true self. I'm scared that maybe I'm doing the wrong thing -
And I don't wanna self-h@rm because I'm afraid that I might hurt my friends or even myself.
I don't know what I should be. Is there something I need to be ?
What am I truely supposed to be ?

"I just can’t see the simple things I can’t keep. What am I supposed to be? Shaken by the hand of night, it seems, stirring in a dream, like your love for me (It’s leaving, it’s leaving) I would cry and weep without a “bye” as I grieve Phony, phony, phony Still tangled up in lies, I see I’m just a fake, phony" - Will Stetsons ENG cover of "Phony"