Soooo, yeah, I'm making this mainly because after all my posts were deleted for my short break, the 'confession' one was too. I don't have as many screenshots of my old conversations as I'd like, but it works. Keep in mind I've only actually been out for 2 years, roughly, so some of this was when I was closeted and taking that out on other people, which I shouldn't of done- obviously, I already know that, I am VERY much past that type of life; I make some pretty dark and grim jokes privately, (I.e. jokes that include stuff that could be seen as maybe a bit edgy, but not NEARLY as bad as these. Mildly rude at worse to queer folks) Obviously, I have changed. You can go through all of my comments on even like Sosmog's account (Which I think is where I have my oldest comment) and you won't find me using the F slur. (In a derogatory sense towards other people; I've probably called myself it before)

So, pretty much summed it up in the title- said it before, but deleted it with the rest of my posts, so let's hope I have the screenshots I'd like. It's kinda hard to explain why I was like that to be honest, I didn't have much of a reason (Funny that, most bigots don't have a reason btw; the reasoning they said in the small groups I HAD was 'it's just a joke'- it never is. It's bullying and prejudice), besides wanting to be edgy and maybe, in a way, somewhat because I was brought up in a Christian school- I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I don't wanna just throw it all on that, because I wasn't exactly Christian, I just happened to go to a primary school that was one, but yeah. I think I got some screenies, so here-

This is one of them that I found, it's actually a screenshot of a screenshot, so it's a bit pixelly, but at the SAME time I was being hella homophobic, in private (This was a FN emulator which none of my friends played) I was just- publicly having my user as Bisexual frog.

You can tell I was trying to be edgy too with that username (Which I actually didn't change for ages, until recently, because it was my alt- my main was banned for a day for smth, I forgot. It's Baguette Wizard now >:D), like it is- it genuinely makes me crime thinking about that, not playing it up, that is the WORSE username I've ever had. BisexualFrog is a fine username, but that- jesus. Anyway, I got some more Discord ones this time. VERY, VERY BAD, JUST A WARNING-

This is, very obviously, homophobic. Like straight forward homophobic, I was trying to be funny- emphasis trying, and since I got validation in my 'friend' group for doing so, I continued. I was starting to somewhat doubt me being 'normal' at the time I believe, which I later learned was me being Bi, hence why I kept thinking that I wasn't attracted to a girl because I also felt that way to a boy, type thing; I just assumed that it was wanting to be their friend or sm? 100% huffing copium tho, because that logic is not- well, logic. The last one is- honestly, I do find it a little funny because of how clearly it was made by a gay or queer artist, or an edited comic, but here it is-

Really bad- but I also think that I was trying to get a reaction. I try not to believe that I genuinely hated gay people at the time, but was just- very closeted and trying to be edgy to get 'cool points' with what were my only friends at the time (Online), and during half terms or breaks, I couldn't speak to any of my friends; they live miles away (Which is 100% for the best tbh, they are- wow. I went back through old xbox messages with them, since before Discord, we spoke through Xbox 1 messages, and before that 360 XBox messages, and holy shit they were annoying.

They were always pretty- uh, hateful too, even to me. Verbally abuse was a common thing and it set a really bad example for what I thought friendships were like. I mean, the DM I'm showing y'all is with a guy I literally grew up with- knew since I was 2, and had been friends with for our entire lives. I don't have Discord DMs with any of my other 'friends' because we just- didn't speak? I mean I tried to reach out to this guy a few times recently to see if he WANTED to talk or catch up, but he ignored them. I think it's for the best- I don't sound the same anymore, and knowing how they used to be, they'd take advantage of that.

But, yeah, I can't say I was much better. We'd pick on the youngest guy in our group, and taunt him, but when he got older and the characteristics we 'messed with' him for disappeared (Lisp, squeaky voice, when he started to hit puberty somewhat early.) thennn I was the target, obviously. The only guy with Autism and the only guy in the entire religious school that had self harm marks at 11 was bound to be uh, a pretty easy target. (I think I was around 11, but maybe younger or older.)

Why am I sharing this?

Well, kinda to prove a point in a way- most bigots aren't bigots because they are, infact, maybe more like the people they hate than they'd like to admit. I was like that. I never seaked out queer folks to bully or harass them, just made stupid roblox comments if I saw a furry avatar (At the time that was just having a morph in an SCP game or sm, i don't remember.) or a rainbow flag. Funniest thing?

Never had the confidence to do that in person, or to say anything like that (The really, REALLY bad ones) to someone that could speak- as in verbally, not text. THAT, in my eyes, is what most bigots are;

cowards. The SECOND they're put infront of a gay person? The second they get CONFRONTED or approached, they're absolute cowards, I know damn well I was. I was one. 100%, if someone called me out or even just raised their voice, I would've CRIED man. I was super sensitive as a young tween/teen, super scared of authorities and tried to get 'vAliDaTiOn' from my peers, who, btw, the ones I do have contact with now, that weren't in my friendgroup, found me extremely annoying- no fucking wonder, and hated me, but don't now.

I didn't do much besides, y'know, start acting like a decent human being? I won't lie and tell you that I don't make stupid comments sometimes, I DO say the F slur occasionally, but there is a huge difference between what I do now and what that used to be. What I do now is me using the F slur like a normal swear word, or something I just- exclaim when I am EXTREMELY frustrated, I don't use it on people; I don't swear AT them, or say it in a derogatory way. I haven't called someone the F slur (Besides my best friend, @Maxmadeagamejolt account, but that is because of one VERY important word, boundaries; in a small space, where everyone in the room is fine with it being said in a playful manner, I call him a dickhead, and very rarely the first three letters of the F slur. I'm pretty sure I haven't sworn at anyone in years actually, besides on Discord, I've 100% told people to fuck off on there.)

And btw, I don't think this is said enough, even reclaimed slurs can be used as slurs again. Queer? That's a perfectly fine word to use now, but it is NOT just- okay to call someone 'A filthy Queer' like it used to be used when it WAS a slur, because, as far as I care, it's the same as saying 'You filthy [insert ethnicity/race]' or just saying the F slur at that point.

I think it's important for me to be 100% transparent about that type of stuff, even if it technically 'isn't your (gamejolts) business' because frankly- I'm fine with sharing it.

This isn't some dark deep secret I'm gonna keep hidden, this is a mistake I've learnt from, I'm not going to keep it from you, because I know I'm nolonger that person. I don't see why people would keep things like this a secret if you really have changed; that ain't me anymore chief, I don't need to hide it. Sure, for employers, not great, but I'm s i x t e e n, I don't need to worry about a potential employer going 'tsk tsk tsk, you admitted to being homophobic when you were like 11-14 on Gamejolt, you can't be hired'.

Anyway, that is it, and just a final message, be honest mates, oh and uh-

do not be like how I was. Ever. At all. This type of behaviour is what lonely & sad middle age men start with /hj.