Your parent has undergone a transformation. A gay awakening, if you will. I cut my hair, and not just any haircut. No. This was a queer rite of passage performed at midnight with kitchen scissors, powered entirely by gender euphoria and questionable (don't forget terrible) decision‑making.

The back? Clean.

The silhouette? Masc‑coded.

The vibes? Unmistakably homosexual

The asymmetry? Intentional, artistic, and probably illegal in three states.

If you see me looking extra powerful, that’s just the sapphic‑coded UV freckles activating. Don’t be alarmed. Do be impressed.

Anyway, your parent has evolved into a new queer form. Go forth and cause chaos in my honor.

— Ace