Hello, prospective advertisers!

I know all of you are looking to capitalize on the growing Emo demographic, so I’ve invited you all to WonderLand, the Emo Capital of the World! I “Why advertise to Emos?” you may ask. “Do we have to create special ads just for them?” Well, Emos rarely go outside, or really do anything not connected to the internet, so they can view a lot of ads. And most Emos have independent sources of money (they wouldn’t be able to commission Furry Art otherwise) so you won’t have to go through parents. And the only thing that you must worry about in your ads is accidentally using bandwagon, as Emos believe that they are special and try to go against what others think.

Over here is the Music District, where Emos can listen to sad songs on Spotify Freemium. For every 5 minutes of songs, there are 20 minutes of ads! We had some success with our partnership with Coca-Cola after they released a series of audio ads styles after Emo Songs. Sample Lyrics:

You...

You tried to hide from Sheila,

When you saw that she was sa-aad.

She was just feeling human.

You should click on this a-aad.

Coca-Cola!

It makes you feel good inside,

Coca-Cola!

You no longer have to hiiiiidddee!

You can have success too, by inserting your company into the minds of the world’s largest growing demographic!

Next up is the Emo Memes Borough. Make your products have memetic charm and a counterculture feel, even if they’re the most used product in the world! Have you heard of the classic Emo phrase, “The pain is real. Love is fake. Weddings are just funerals with cake.” If not, you will soon be accustomed to it after hearing of the astounding success of our partnership with Hostess! “The pain is real. Love is fake. Weddings are just funerals with lovely, scrumptious, moist Hostess cakes. Available online now! Click this link to buy today!” Just slap a screenshot from Mick and Rorty, and you have a viral ad on your hands!

After that, let’s go to our local emotional additives factory! Here is where J&J produces ‘happy pills’ for today’s Emos! Do you want to try? Hmm... I can see that you don’t want to. But don’t worry! These are just dressed-up sugar pills, marketed as a way to prove the sadness of the buyer. ‘I’m so Emo, I need to buy pills to make me feel happy.’ For these bragging rights we charge a fat $200 a bottle. Is this illegal? Surprisingly, no! We print that these are a placebo on the package, but the average Emo is so bleary-eyed from looking at screens all night that they cannot read it!

Why did I just tell you about our happy-pills factory? Most of you here are food or consumer products companies, so why should I tell you about something a pharmaceutical company did? Well, this fable tells of how gullible and self-centered Emos are. You can market on stupidity. I mean, you guys even do it in the outside world! *Laughs awkwardly*

Finally for this tour, let’s stop at the Grunge Fashion shop! Here we have both premier Emo and Goth clothing and premier advertising spots! Make 7-up chokers, McDonalds brand torn black jeans, or Sony Mascara! Your brand could connect with Emos on the new advertising level: Clothing! Wendys has brought in many new customers with its “Wendy Wednesday” Emo clothing line! These custom Tees had a modified version of the Wendy’s logo, but as Wednesday Aadams! Teens could only express their new ‘Wednesday Personality’ by buying Wendys’ T-Shirts! And, these Emos became walking advertisements when they put on the shirt!

Now I know what you are all thinking. “Don’t some Emos like, commit die on other people?” Everyone wants to have customers as long as possible, so we have created a safe environment that discourages violence. If we see that someone is getting too sad, we spike their meals with endorphins. This assures that they are sad enough to connect with your ads but not sad enough to harm themselves or others.

We hope you have learned some valuable insights on how to market to Emos. I hope that you return to WonderLand soon and prepare for the huge profits you will get!