(Warning: Personal Story)
Scroll to the end for a TLDR.

Alrighty, To begin.

If I remember correctly, the reason I stopped back then was cause I got a new computer. Well, turns out I got a New-er computer this year too after April 2025, and I feel confident in this one. Fun fact, MSI is SUPER cagey about who gets to tinker with their products, including Geek Squad. So I chose to get a slightly better Dell laptop, and it's been nice.

Oh right, I dont wanna say I moved on, cause honestly Lisa's always there in my heart, *whispering to go beat up Marty again* cause really, there's not too many things like Lisa, honestly.

I'll try not to put my whole life story in here, but I'll give the highlights of Whatever Happened to Muddy Cactus!

About after the 2nd computer, I went through summer/fall/winter without too many hiccups

I forgot to take my Prozac (Anti-Anxiety) regularly in March while I was at college, which started a chain reaction depression-pit that was difficult to get out of. Don't worry, my therapist says there's time-caps that can remind me to check.

So, one un-passed Architecture Studio class and one Internship Firing later, I crawled back to Walmart to ask for my job back. They offered an Overnight job remodeling, and since they were super vague on the website about what times they had openings for, I just took it out of impulse. Big, mistake, it screwed up my sleep schedule big time and my mom kept pushing me because my sleep schedule would "magically fix itself when I start working" Mommy and Daddy Issues, am I right?

After that, I agreed to try some new meds cause my parents were worried about me, and they started me on Effexor. Unfortunately, I didn't read up on Effexor's MASSIVE list of side effects, which...

Well, after about 2 and a half weeks of heat fluxuations, no sleep, mania, restlessness and nearly everything in Effexor's Side Effects list going through my body (see the side effects list:)
https://www.effexorxr.com/en/faqs#safety-p

I reached a... let's just say breaking point and I managed to convince my psychiatrist it sucked, and I got switched back to my Prozac.

Side note, neither of my parents believed me (I'm a 21 year old) when I kept trying to talk to them that i was on fire/ice, and suffering, because I would "magically fix myself when I hit 3 weeks" I plan on moving as far away as possible when I get financially stable.

Anyhow, the Effexor withdrawal kicked in and I ended up getting Philosophical on my vacation with my family. And I found out I really hate bickering and loud loud background noise when I cant talk to people.

About 2 days ago, I took a Shroom Chocolate for the first time since I was curious, and I wanted to have a "pure" experience untainted by my meds. I will not get too too far into it since I went on an emotional journey in 4 hours, but I feel like I've really changed inside. One of the big highlights is I realized how psychotic the Architecture industry is, and I thought, you know what, I had something going with game design, why not major in that? So I'm planning on talking to my advisor about it and everything.

That, and the shroom trip helped me realize in a psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud kinda way, that The Batter is a psychological projection of MY OWN FATHER, since my own father's narcissism, trans/homophobia, xenophobia, and gaslighting/manipulation of my feelings mirrors The Batter's strive for "purifying" the unclean, the "wrong" in his eyes.
(that and I may beeee coming out as something a little later but that's a surprise tool that will help us later :3)

Anyhow: I thought about it, the whole Youtube thing was a fun idea! I got to play my games, and better yet, people watched and loved it! Even the unique stuff I played people watched. Hardly any other Youtubers out there that covered VegaHopes Vega Route, or Timeless in Pointless which is surprising. Course i might pace myself a lot more so I have time to myself to work on college, work and myself, but I definitely will upload a lot more :3

I have so, so many other games to try too. I know this might alienate my fellow Lisaheads, but I kinda want to try other RPG's and even other games too besides Lisa mods, like Undertale Yellow or Look Outside or even VR GAMES since I got a headset for christmas.

Speaking of which, my current hyperfixiation since January must be Terrors of Nowhere. Think Dead by Daylight, but fast paced, random maps/terrors to survive, and I can track my progress on online browsers and in game! I highly suggest it alongside SlashcoVR, also Dead by Daylight but more survival focused and focused on getting *those generators going*. Both I highly suggest.

Small hiccup, Sony Vegas 14 (Steam Ver.) keeps giving me errors when I try redownloading it, something about missing pieces. So I might either have to "Sail the Seven Seas" which I haven't done for an editing program like this, or actually buy a legit copy somewhere, which if you're not familiar, costs around 175 Mags or so for a full purchase (no BS subscription attached)

With that being said, I'm starting a Ko-Fi! Just if you care a lot about what I'm doing and wanna see more. Like a tip jar I put next to my desk while I'm busy gaming at work. Either way, I'll keep doing my thing. Currently trying to make it as seperate as possible from my private account, it is surprisingly difficult. I'll link it below.

One more thing: Thank you for breaking 1K Subscribers while I was on my unexpected one year hiatus. I was thinking of some sort of celebration, I'll think of something :3

Anyways: Stay Tuned :3333 Things are gonna get interesting.

TLDR:

New Laptop

Fell into a depression pit due to skipped meds, insensitive professors and bosses, meds with laundry lists of side effects, and my own daddy issues

Climbing out of said depression by going back to my regular meds and trying shrooms to open my mind and get my life together

The Batter (through my trip) is a psychological representation of my own father and his abuse and manipulation to me. But I'll be fine, I know how to survive.

Currently hooked on VRChat games, but will try to play other games and RPG's as Muddy Cactus, maybe even using my own voice if people like my voice.

I set up a Ko-Fi for tips, (Under Construction as of now, but I'll link so you can look at it.) and thank you for 1K!

Hopeful for the future. Whether game design, and/or my channel, I'll definitely keep going.

https://ko-fi.com/muddycactus