A sort of creative writing exercise for Fungicide’s story.

MLN Report: Parasol Comes to Town

This week, Mycon Local News got to sit down with Brian Simpton, founder and CEO of Parasol, a local bioweapons firm. The interview in question comes shortly after the conglomerate announced a new facility in Mycon, bringing upwards of 200 jobs into the local economy.

I’d like to thank Mr. Simpton for being here today. What are Parasol’s plans here in Mycon?

Thanks for having me. We here at Parasol have been combing the country to find a perfect location for our first facility. Mycon stood out to us because of the large homeless portion of the populace.

Why is that?

We wanted to bring jobs and economic stability to a city that sorely needs it, and Mycon fit the bill exactly.

Would you explain to the audience what Parasol does? What kinds of jobs will it bring?

As you all know, the market for bioweapons has grown exponentially in the past decade. With the expansion is a huge potential for profits. We provide high quality bioweapons to the public.

Isn’t that highly illegal?

Illegal? No, hardly. I mean, if we outlaw bioweapons, then only the crooks will be able to have them. I invision a world where the average Joe can use my products to protect his family and property. If people think guns are a deterrent, wait until they see my stuff in action.

As you said earlier, the market for bioweapons has been on the rise. How does Parasol hope to break in given such tough competition?

It’s simple: innovation. Our competitors are still focused on viruses. Everyone knows they’re one of the worst ways to build bioweapons. That’s why we’re putting all our stock in fungus. It’s just all around a better method.

Do you have any concerns about a potential outbreak in the city?

No, we’re not concerned about that. It’s not even on our radar.

So, you haven’t considered it at all?

Nope. Look, we reward risk takers in this society. We can’t sit around all day worrying about things like “the future” or “the environment” or “people.” No, we need to get out there and make things happen.

When do you expect to start construction on the new facility?

We’ll probably break ground here in the next few months.

Thank you, Mr. Simpton for taking the time to speak with us today, and we wish you luck in your future endeavors.

My pleasure.