The first part is here, and it also has the details of what I plan for the future, including my new game: https://gamejolt.com/games/whoisee/340408/devlog/for-you-i-have-my-sappy-tale-of-how-this-game-happened-a-look-beh-j5ndg97g
So, I had finished my game, made in under 2 weeks, and submitted it to AdventureJam2018. It was unpolished as hell, with no walk-cycles, repeatable cutscenes, cluttered UI, and….
…this, for Alice’s room. Big ol’ placeholder, and a buncha other placeholder assets.
I didn’t expect much acknowledgement, though I hoped for it. All in all, it was something through which I could use my passion for unique video game storytelling, writing, characters, art, and etc.
It would be a month until the judges rate it, but I soon yelled out…
WHAT THE FUCK?!
I noticed that my game got a little bit of more traffic than usual, and when I googled it, and I saw my username and game’s name on a PCGAMER web page….well. I shouted those three words up above at the top of my lungs.
I had never won anything in my life. Never been seen as anything but fourth place, fifth place, or beyond. So, when I was, for the first time, told that my work was spectacular…….it made me a better person. Over the next couple of days, as I kept thinking about this, rereading it over and over again, my built-up bitterness was fading, my hopelessness was fading, my anger at myself and others was fading, and for the first time:
I felt hope.
And above all else, I wanted to help others in the way that moment helped me.
If I could help others be acknowledged and feel hope, then I would be happy. That’s why I post whatever fanart I find; in the hopes that it can help unacknowledged people be acknowledged, and be told that their work is awesome and deserves more attention. I hope it’s helped people so far!
Rising from the Shitpit
The PCGAMER article filled me with hope in a dark time. But it didn’t change everything right away. I continued sending applications for a field I didn’t really care about, with energy that I did not have. But much to my surprise, more light shone into my life.
The gamejam results came in, and Who I See won Most Innovative Game AND Judge’s Pick! I made this game by making the game I wanted to see, the game I wanted to make, and not the game that was most like other games. And people liked it.
That’s another piece of advice I want to give to others - make what you want to see. I have no doubt, others will want to see it too, and they’ll be delighted that someone’s made it.
So at this point, I was leaning towards the idea of becoming a game developer as a career. Perhaps I should have considered it earlier, but I had some internal issues at the time. I had always thought of game development as something that I could not do, something immature, something unrealistic. Silly in hindsight, but most things are. I was still restrained by my worries, my fears, and my flawed beliefs.
What was the final straw? Well.
Time to polish it like a pearl!
I was contacted by a certain person from Gamejolt, which hosted the gamejam. They said that because my game got the Most Innovative award from that jam, it would be the front page feature for a couple of days. At this point, I think the game, which was still unpolished as hell, had about 10 followers. Everyone needs a first step, eh? Count your small victories, for they are very important.
So, I was told about it a few weeks in advance, I think. And I knew - I needed to make it a game that I could be proud to put on the front page. So I went to hard work.
I replaced the placeholder assets, I drew and animated a walk cycle for Karla and idle animations for the others, but the most work of all was the coding. Even the smallest things, things that players would never think about, like making sure that important cutscenes can’t be casually repeated, is more time-consuming than you’d think. But it’s important, and worth it.
Also had to put in a LOT more writing, hoo boy a lot. Lots of polish.
I also had to make a banner, a thumbnail out of it, etc. A lotta work. But soon enough, the day came. And at my phone, I watched, and thought:
Wha……?
I will type the final part tomorrow.
Why am I typing these up at all? Is it vain? Is it pointless? Ha ha, I sure hope not.
No, it’s because of stuff like this:
“If I could help others be acknowledged and feel hope, then I would be happy. That’s why I post whatever fanart I find; in the hopes that it can help unacknowledged people be acknowledged, and be told that their work is awesome and deserves more attention. I hope it’s helped people so far!”
“That’s another piece of advice I want to give to others - make what you want to see. I have no doubt, others will want to see it too, and they’ll be delighted that someone’s made it.”
There have been other parts like this too, such as how I was able to find hope in my deepest pit of despair. My hope is that at least one person can be inspired from reading this. That at least one person, and hopefully more, can read this and feel like there IS hope for them. That life CAN get better. I used to think it never could. But I was wrong. And I hope that I can prove others wrong in the best way as well.
You hear a lot of advice out there, but with nothing backing it up, just sweet words. I hope this is different, and that it helps you.
I’ll post the last part tomorrow. Thank you so much for your support!
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