TW VENT

I had a best friend that would always make me happy, and I would talk to her, but then she moved, and I added her on roblox. Once I told her I wasn't going to public school she stopped talking to me, so I unfriended her because I felt like she was a fake friend which made me upset or sad because she made me happy at school.

I also remembered that I had a best friend in 5th grade, we had a handshake, and we got had a friendship necklace. Unfortunately, she stopped talking to me and when I saw her hanging out with another person in 6th grade it really made me jealous or upset because I realized I was replaced by someone else. In 5th grade it was fun till January, everyone started to stop talking to me and just hang out with other people. Most of the time in 5th grade at recess I just sat by myself watching everyone hanging out and having fun. I hate being mistreated especially bullied, I remember a person telling me that someone took a picture of me while I was sleeping in class and posted it on Instagram, I forgot what the person said the caption was, it's been a bit since it happened.

If my parents ever tell me that I'll have to make friends or "socialize" then I'll tell them no because of all those times I had friends and they just replaced me like I was nothing. I don't care if socializing improves my mental health, I'm not doing it because 1. I have social anxiety and 2. it'll probably make my mental health even worse and I'm not taking that risk at all. I'm tired of all this, it's either like "Ignore them" or "Get out of your room and socialize or help out". The reason I don't help out was because I always helped people, but no one ever helped me when I needed it. I'm not that little girl anymore that cares about people, I'm the girl that isolates herself to make herself feel safe and calm for once from everyone. I know I used to be happy and help others but now that I realized everyone that was friends in my childhood or elementary school was fake, it ruined it all for me. No one ever helped me when I needed it, I'm surprised that when I said, "It was good" instead of "It was terrible" that my mother didn't notice it was a lie. I would always sleep after school due to stress because I had to do IXL, and it stressed me out a lot because of the math help thingie class doing it and I had to get it done. When will my parents ever realize that I say "I'm good" was so they wouldn't worry about me or ask about why I'm not doing well. I swear they never pay attention to the signs.

(Sorry if this was long, I had to get it out of my system)