Alright, it is me. Yeah I hate my self. Heres why -

Hello everyone,

I want to share some personal reflections and address a few things that have been weighing on my mind. Lately, I've been struggling with my emotions and actions, and I feel it's important to acknowledge my shortcomings and seek understanding.

I've come to realize that I often have difficulty controlling my emotions, which has led me to make some regrettable decisions. These choices have impacted my image, not dramatically, but enough to leave a negative impression on some people, including those I hoped to befriend. It seems we were not as compatible as I thought, and my actions have unintentionally provoked negative feelings towards me. This is something I deeply regret.

I am an emotional person who seeks intense experiences and inspiration in life. I see myself as part of a community of artists who push boundaries and provoke thought, which can be fascinating initially but problematic in the long run. This approach has, unfortunately, led to conflicts and misunderstandings, creating a growing number of adversaries.

I understand that every public figure has their share of critics, but I've also damaged relationships by responding poorly to criticism. Some people now dislike me simply because I reacted inappropriately to their comments. These individuals may never forgive me or even read this post to understand my perspective, which is a harsh reality of the internet.

Over the years, I've grown and improved, but I still struggle with tolerating misinformation and unjust attacks on my work and my fans (Some of my fans were harassed only because they liked my work). My instinct is to defend them and myself and call out those responsible, but this often exacerbates the situation. My emotional reactions lead to mistakes that I later regret, filling me with guilt.

My dream is to build a successful career with an appreciative audience, to create art and games that inspire joy and positivity. However, this goal feels increasingly out of reach as I continue to make small yet significant mistakes. I want to change and grow, but I am also grappling with internal hatred towards those who have harassed me and, ultimately, towards myself for not handling these situations better.

This post is a reflection of my challenges. I'm not having an easy time, and my presence on the internet has contributed to the mess I find myself in due to my inability to control my reactions. If I've offended anyone with my actions, I am truly sorry. If I've blocked some people on GameJolt, it's because I don't want to risk further conflict and say something regrettable. Creating this "wall" is my way of managing my reaction problem.

If there is a way to fix this, I want to find it, but right now, I feel overwhelmed by depression and frustration. I apologize if this post makes the situation worse, but I needed to express my feelings. Please accept my apologies for being so immature still.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Best regards,
Kazovsky