Well, it's 2025. In fact, it's been practically exactly two years (to the day and hour) since my last devlog post about my game's cancellation and my last general life update. I just thought I'd come here to vent a little more and also provide a brief update (nothing about any actual "return," though.) Things have been far worse, and my mental health has drastically declined due to untreated physical injury and what I've been living through. I don't care if no one will read this or like this - no one likely will; and I don't mind it that way, as I'm a stranger on the internet. I don't care, this is just a platform me to vent and update personally on myself and a time capsule to look back at these posts in a year or so. Anyways, here we go:
I had briefly, a week or so ago, went on a "nostalgic binge" of sorts, playing old fan games (mainly FNaF) which I had played in 2015-2016.
Shout out to these old games I've played recently in particular:
420 Nights at Illuminati's (shame dev completely abandoned sequel and never told people - this game took me forever to find as I couldn't remember the name of it.)
Five Nights at Pingas franchise (1-4 especially) (nostalgic, chaotic classic, with peak edgy internet humour. New game unfortunately did not hit the mark for me personally)
Five Nights at Illuminati (Remastered 1-3) - another classic game franchise from back in the day - edginess and basic game design at its peak.
One Night at Circle's 3 (I remember playing this game in December 2016, where life was far better than it was now, and damn, this just nostalgic stood out to me - perhaps because I had played it on Christmas Day or Eve I think? It was just as difficult as I remembered it when I played pack then; took a few tries to beat.)
(Honourable mentions: FNAC 3, even if I don't like the dev anymore due to what they've become, and JOLLY 2 and JOLLY 3; all deeply nostalgic games from the 2016-2017 era. I remember when JOLLY was more of a passion project for Ivan, instead of the big team it became for the cancelled JOLLY 4, which I never personally liked the premise anyway, maybe due to nostalgia. Even in my liked posts, all are from years ago, and includes JOLLY 2 - I loved it and played it when it came out, even though the bug fix for the big- which made the game fair but bearable - later made the game far more difficult to the point where it wasn't fun anymore. I remember this one kid who made games "BubyGamer11" and still does, but who was an edgelord who back in 2017 told me the iconic three-letter abbreviation starting in "k" and ending in "s" solely for criticising his game for being far too difficult. I hope he has grown up and matured. Many of these devs, usernames, and people are still active to this day. I commend them, but even I've moved on.)
Anyways, this was more of just a longing for a better time in childhood, and my interest in any Freddy's-related content has still dwindled. I was playing these games solely for a nostalgia trip, and boy, was it emotional, even if I rarely feel emotion and am emotionally numb.
The only games I would ever potentially play in the future are POPGOES Evergreen (unfortunate to see the dev become an egomaniac due to the constant praise of him and his work; just look at the way he replies to any criticism) and FNaC 4, which that game is basically not happening until 2030 at this point; the dev seems to always take very long breaks, he seems to deliberately bring his attention to side projects to avoid working on FNaC 4, and the Evergreen guy Kane, instead of hiring any other programmed, has made FNaC 4 dev the sole programmer, which most definitely is taking crucial time away from FNaC 4. This Kane guy doesn't even code or model for his own game(s) - he just directs it whilst he expects others to do it, yet he thinks he's this creative genius and takes ownership over the Fanverse, thinking it's "his." Some games like JOLLY franchise, in my subjective opinion, deserved to be in the Fanverse far more than these devs, but I know there were some legal issues which prevented it from being a part of the Fanverse. This is fair subjective criticism, even if it hurts people's egos. I remember when the FNaC 4 dev Emil would consistently update fans and put out FNaC 1-3 all in under two years - damn, I thought the FNAC 3 one-year wait was long? What happened to these guys? They made my damn childhood, and it's a shame what has happened, instead of them just being honest to fans about the true state of these games and their lack of motivation. Everyone else is scared to speak out of this because of relentless attacks or criticism; I'm not. Seems like the Fanverse opportunity to heavily monetise these games, as well as leniency and financial backing through Scott Cawthon, who doesn't pressure them to complete these games which are technically part of a contract, and money-focused ventures like excessive merch (with no new main games to show) has led these developers down a dark path of indefinitely delaying their games, especially with FNaC 4. FNaC 4 has what looks like massive potential, but I'm beginning to wonder if even a quarter of the game is programmed and the rest are just ideas and lack of motivation. You'd think they'd want to bring them out after it's been around SEVEN YEARS since FNaC 4 was announced. Anyways, enough of that - I'm just upset to see the path these developers have fell into. I might play these games when they eventually come out, but I sure as hell am not financially supporting someone with such a high ego, and someone who never updates fans on their work - they aren't interested in a 2D RPG; they pretend to be to appear supportive, however, they're actually interested in what they promised fans YEARS ago - a new survival entry to the Candy's or POPGOES franchise. FNaF franchise itself should have ended years ago, and has been milked to oblivion - the movie, like all other video-game based movies, should have happened a long time ago, and as a result, waiting this long has led the plot and quality to naturally be poor as a result, from what I've seen anyway, but this is my subjective opinion, which I have a right to say without backlash due to being a member of this community for years, even if I stepped back a long time ago. No one is perfect, and I don't claim to be unlike these devs or their echo-chamber fanbases, and no one is above criticism; I should be able to express this personal subjective criticism without harassment, but in any other sources other than my own profile with comments turned off, this would lead to very negative backlash and "ratios," as the internet is a toxic and hive mind-style place. It's just how it works, but my mental health is currently bad enough that I'm not in the mood to get in pointless arguments I can't win with strangers due to their own subconscious bias over my own opinions I have the right to hold and express.
Back to my life... TW abuse and mental health: Yes, I changed my username today - just to reflect who it is, as I am myself, so why not "Me," as that's who I am to myself? I just want to leave again for a very long time and not have to leave my username as something I deeply despised and no longe resonated with at all, such as the "VGP05" username. My life has still been tough; since my last dev post, things have gotten worse. I've experienced physical injury and a rapid mental health decline from never being outside. In one accidental major physical injury causing future daily pain, one of these toxic abusive individuals laughed at it instead of getting me help and another one frequently used my disorder as an insult when in a rage - I'll never forget or forgive that. But, I am a full adult now, well-over 19, and I need to decide what I'm going to do, as I've reached out for help with healthcare services and they completely neglected my situation. Without getting too personal on here, I have highly toxic, controlling, and abusive people (relatives) in my life with their own mental issues who do so to me verbally, live in terrible dirty living conditions willingly, and manipulate/control me, and have massive egos and act like grown children and think they're perfect - hell, I'm never rarely outside, so when I am outside, instead of being able to relax or walk, my severe social anxiety and paranoia make it almost unbearable. I have no friends and haven't for years, especially long-term ones. I even have experienced delusions. I sleep on a couch. I will perhaps send the truth to the family of these individuals when I can leave, but they likely will side with them, but I don't care if I'm not seeing any of them ever again. It seems I got too personal. But anyways, at least I can still write and articulate these messages, though, which is a plus, given my poor mental states. Someone famous has been in the news constantly for unchecked mental issues recently and is saying deeply harmful things - I also can experience harmful thoughts, but they don't last long. This month or the coming weeks or months, I am going to have to flee this situation (with no support) and just go somewhere random and call hospitals or emergency services and BEG them to help me, which is risky as they're been nothing but useless to me. I've experienced declining physical health and a chronic painful injury which needs addressed and the only way to do so (as those harmful individuals in my life don't care nor want to help) is if I leave and get help to restart my life, and it will likely need surgery. Yeah, things have gotten a lot worse. I need help, and I'm mentally done. I need to act quick in the coming weeks or months, no matter how mentally hard it will be to cut from those toxic nasty people who I've become emotionally and financially dependent on. I also have chronic tinnitus and concerning symptoms what I think as ADHD (already neurodivergent anyways - ASD, even though I sometimes doubt the diagnosis or thing it's a combination of something else, or have other strange delusions about it that are part of potential mental health problems.) and other mental health conditions that are undiagnosed such as BPD. Games or making games is the LAST thought on my mind, and I have no intention to return to this community or make anything - sorry. I also have some personal issues with this site, which I have never fully gotten over and feel were harsh, but that happened years ago.
Anyways, yeah, that's been an update which has allowed me to vent. I will NOT be returning, at least not for a VERY long time until I can come back and say my life has drastically improved and I have stuck to my words, no matter how hard it will be and having no support network, anything will be overall better. I have changed my name because I hated the negative personal associations with my last name, and I view it as more "corny" anyway, and have came back to post a quick update.
No games or anything are obviously coming, I will not continue to casually engage with this platform or any fandom including FNaF or fangames, and I will obviously NEVER return to the "Five Nights at Illuminati (REMAKE)" game. The future is hopefully brighter, even if uncertain and resulting in permanently cutting ties for my own physical and mental benefit. I've remained mentally strong, even though my mental health has lead to major challenges. Here's to hoping for a far brighter future for myself, and I hope anyone else who is going through something similar anywhere else in the world will also find the strength and courage to do what I want to do, as these toxic and harmful individuals are the lowest of the low, and they don't care about you, regardless of pretending to. I'm aware of subconscious biases making me want to stay, but consciously, I'm going to push through soon - I'm out of here, as I know how harmful it is.
Anyways, yeah, this has been an update, either for just myself or if anyone else ever reads this and cares enough, likely not, as I am a "nobody" in a very niche corner of the internet, and this account will lay dormant for months or even longer. It feels good to get some of this off my chest. Comments will be disabled in case any troll or someone with negative intentions tries to comment on this deeply personal post.
TL;DR: I had shared some updates on nostalgic FNaF fangames from around a decade-ish ago I returned to, to play in modern times, for a brief emotional feeling of nostalgia. I gave my subjective but far criticism and opinions of two Fanverse devs who are doing anything but developing their game, with both being egomaniacs, and my disappointment as to what happened to the old version of these devs we used to grow up with. Also, basically my life is worse than it ever has been up until now, I am never outside, I have toxic and (TW: abuse) controlling, manipulative, and abusive individuals in my life - I have health issues I need to deal with, and my mental health has drastically declined, potentially even having numerous undiagnosed mental health conditions. I have expressed my desire to flee in the coming weeks or near future and try to desperately find help for a better life, even though such services have consistently failed me and been against me in the past. I changed my name, but I won't be coming back anytime soon. I express desire for those who have been through or are going through similar situations to heal and rebuild their life positively like I want to. I will not obviously be making any games or returning to the cancelled one. That's all, but it was a long vent basically, even if no one reads it.
That's all I have to say. Goodbye.
