heya remember a post I made a while back about how making this mod changed my life for the better? no? I'm gonna talk about it anyway.

let me tell you my tale of woes...

2018 was (and so far, still is) the best year of my life.

2019 was the worst year of my life.

2020 was an improvement from 2019, but this was also when the pandemic started, so that wasn't very good.

2021 was great! it's when I made a name for myself in this community, after all. but then by the end of it, everything suddenly fell apart. and it seemed like it would never end.

2022 started off great, amazing even. especially compared to the end of 2021. but as time went on, and things begin to change around me without me being fully prepared to accept those changes, I start to become lost, and so once again, time slows down and it felt like I'm stuck like this forever.

then yoshi announced that he would be hosting a revamp fight contest. around the time the megoman reversed fight contest was finished, I had fantasized about a mod related to ludd blaster and his friends, and this was my opportunity to make that real.

I was going to do it solo, but then deez messaged me and offered to team up, which I accepted. I think denying his offer would have been a mistake, as teamwork ended up playing a huge role in the making of this mod.

and so...I got to work. I took around a week to sprite ludd's second phase sprite as I was (and still am) bad at spriting so I didn't want to rush it and make mistakes. afterwards, every day was dedicated to working on the mod. and somehow, my life started to rise back up again. spending time with the people closest to me, going outside more often, the works. even so, working on the mod was still my top priority, as in any downtime I have in these events I would be making notes, or sketching illustrations, or thinking of ideas for the mod.

eventually the "deadline" (it got extended so many times) was getting close but I managed to get it done before it, being the third entry to be submitted. got a lot of positive feedbacks and fair criticisms. and when the contest was finally done, and deez and I were announced as the winners of the team entries, it felt like I got closure on this mixed bag of a year. every bad moment suddenly disappeared from my thoughts as I focused on this mod.

yet the year still hasn't ended, there's still about three weeks left, which I mostly spent doing mundane tasks or working on low effort videos, such as the lovely little boys and night of nights mashup. little did I know how much of a touhou fan I'd end up becoming.

then 2023 started, and I was honestly a little scared. 2022 was an absolute roller coaster but it felt like the most important year I've had, so I didn't know what to expect going into this year. but fortunately for me, it only went up from here.

touhou fan, you've heard this a billion times at this point, but it was seriously exciting to get to know more about this franchise. that was 8 months ago.

ytpmvs, an interest I've had for years that I can contribute to now that I'm able to make one myself. that was 5 months ago.

and so, like I mentioned in the post. it's the opposite for me. this year has probably been the best thing to have happened to me in recent times, and because of that, it's flying by so quickly.

if you were in the same position I was when my life was falling apart. if you felt like it was never going to end. if you felt like the past was better and that there is no better future and so you dwell on these thoughts. it will get better.

even if it takes 4 or 5 years, or maybe even more, it will get better.

thanks for reading, I feel like this post was more personal than what I usually make, as I'm giving you every little detail on what lead up to this point. but I think I wanted to get it off my chest.