Hey, so, even though I’m still on break till March, I would like to at least clarify some things before going silent till then. The reason I’ve chosen to go on temporary leave is not just because I’m once again trying to spend time with my family and get more in real life socialization, but it’s also due to a recent incident that pushed me towards this direction.

It involved a person in my life who was deeply connected with me, someone who I will not be naming here as to prevent further ramifications and also so that people don’t harass him. A few months back last year, I had a pretty bad week, and was dealing with suicidal thoughts.

These initially weren’t anything bad, but they started to get worse, so I decided to talk to him about it, leading to this response:

After this, I attempted to end my own life, only to get talked out of it by one of my friends.

The next day, drama happened, a ton of stuff happened, etc etc. Eventually though, we made up, and were friends again, treated the whole incident like a bump in the road. I guess you could say I was in denial of what kind of person he was due to how much time we spent together, and me not seeing him in that light.

As our friendship continued throughout 2023 though, he started saying some kind of weird things. Things such as “I mean so much to you, you wouldn’t be who you are without me”, etc. I bought into these things at the time, but eventually, I started feeling worse about it.

I felt like I was this small, worthless thing without him, something I hid away even though It impacted me inside. I still was in denial though, I didn’t want to believe that he was a bad person.

Then though, last week, he crossed the line, and he said this:

As you’d imagine, I was pretty mad, but also just broken because of it. And after some thought, looking back on all we’d been through, everything. I decided that we needed to go our separate ways. So, I gave him one final goodbye, and cut him off. That’s where it should’ve ended, but it didn’t.

A day after this, I was in a vc with some friends on a server, chilling, etc. Then however, he joined. He was crying, yelling, screaming, etc, and it was about us. I argued with him a bit before leaving the vc. He ended up remaining there for a bit, before he eventually left it, and then the server as well. I later learned that throughout the entire duration of him being in that VC, he was ranting about us and our private affairs to a bunch of people who had no knowledge of it.

We haven’t spoken sense, and I prefer it to stay that way. We both should move on, take different paths, improve, grow, and change as people, it’s the healthy route for both of us. The reason I bring this up is to make a point about something, that my time online has to change. I need to start actually interacting with people outside of my family circle, growing as a person, making irl friends, etc.

Because so often, I find myself being an oblivious, naive kid being easily manipulated and taken advantage of due to my nature. It’s on me that I let so many “friends” of mine get revealed to be horrible people, so I’m gonna break the cycle, and finally do something different.

Lament will continue development just fine, my interaction online however will still be limited though, even when I’m back from my break in March. I hope y’all can understand this. Thank you once more for the continued support, I’ll see y’all in March. Goodbye for now.