One of the fundamental things right now for you is calmness, to calm down the voices inside your head. How, you ask? You can do it by meditation (tutorials on youtube), asmr, lofi, whatever you feel more comfortable, but DO try it, because you dont know how much this inner peace can change you. Now, if your father/mother/sibling relationship is somewhat toxic, dont let the constant negativity bring you down, because my friend, youre not alone, there are many people out there who had it worse, so dont let yourself convince you that youre the only one going through this, because youre not, many people suicide per year, thats one of the proofs that the problem you have right now isnt uncommon, it isnt something that wont ever solve. Now, i know your house might be a living hell, but take a step back.

Do you have friends?

Hobbies?

People that REALLY care about you, and therefore love you (platonically)?

Im asking because you need to focus on the good things, and yes, its hard, not easy, but really, do force yourself to do so. You might ask yourself "how can i be positive if negativity is always around me everyday?", well, your life might be, undoubtedly, tied to your family, yes, but its not like good things dont exist. Theres always good, it just seems smaller than the bad things because your brain is attracted by the negative things, but you never tell what actually good happened

Lets do this exercise, spend the next days, weeks, focusing on the good things. Cat videos, videos of kindness being shown. Really, SEARCH it, dont wait for instagram to give you the next disaster, the new person to compare yourself to, because its no use, youll only feel worse. Take the things that have been making you feel down (i mean this like, the apps on the internet/strangers in the internet) and get away from it. Unfollow the people you follow that only do bad for your health. If you can, call the suicide hotline, call a therapist, talk to a friend you TRUST WONT JUDGE you when you open up, dont keep the pain inside you, because itll only eat you from the inside, the second fundamental thing is SHARING, you dont know how much telling will make you feel lighter, and its okay to cry, to break when sharing, youre not a robot devoid of emotions even if you think you are, becuase even when feeling "nothing", its still a feeling that MUST be heard, it demands it from you because it hurts you when it doesnt gets heard.

This is something you need to do, because, tell me, has anything changed in your life in all this time you lied, put on a smile in your face even when you wanted to cry so much? Has your routine changed in all this time?

You need to TAKE ACTION, start doing these things, gather courage, or do it without courage, do it with fear (after all, that IS bravery), but never keep this venom poison your soul

Never forget, there are people who love you, truly love you. Direct your thoughts to the gratefullness of.. being here, with me, because its truly, a blessing to have someone like you with us today. And if youre that conscious, aware, has this good ethical morality, it just shows how much youre better than your parents, because the greatest sword isnt made from gold, its made of love and sympathy, with these weapons you'll reach your goal, because i know youre strong, even when this fight isnt easy, you are loved, and you deserve this love, no matter whatever anyone tells you.