Goddammit, I actually hate my father so much. Today was just a normal Sunday, except I wanted to play more because I did not accomplish what I wanted to with the time I was given. My sense of time is so off, and long time to me feels so short, and I suck at management. I then did not respond when mom and dad called me to dinner 2-3 times, they were angry and beginning to yell at me. I wasn't aware of this and why they were angry at me, so I said "calm down" to mom. This made her very angry and start to scream at me. This would spark off emotion in me and slowly cause me to start crying. When I did, I started to burst into a meltdown, saying that I was sick of being such a pathetic son that did nothing always having to be managed, and that I may just only be a burden for my parents. I also said how miserable and lonely I felt. However, all dad does, just like he always does with me, is get angry and annoyed with me whenever I cry, get upset, or say anything emotional. He calls it "drama", "showing off", and "looking to fight". I was always very hurt and upset by those words, and say how much they're wrong and hurt me. But when I do that, my parents say "stop picking on words". Earlier when I mentioned my sadness, my dad says that I cant compare because I make him and mom suffer more because of my high maintenance. I then had a total emotional breakdown just saying how sad and miserable I was inside, no one knows how much I truly feel inside, and that dad is comparing me lower to him exactly by saying "dont compare" and all that. But after that was when he had enough and then told me repeatedly to "shut the fuck up". This shocked me. What kind of father says that to their own son? I always hated how whenever I'm upset with my parents, all they do is say everything they did for me, (take me to good places, feed me, buy me things i like). When they did today, I finally said that I'm upset and the best they can do is brag about how much of good parents they are, and that if they're such good parents, why can't they prove it to me right now by doing something to make me feel better, like hugging me or telling me how I'm loved for who I am. I barely recieve those. I know I am supposed to appreciate them for what they did, but I don't know. To me, this love just feels so hollow, with barely any emotional or mental support. Dad then said that hugs are only deserved to those who act "loveable", and "adorable" in the moment, which I wasn't to him. No, to me, hugs are also deserved to those who need help the most. Then, when he left for a while, I tried to talk to mom about how I felt, but then, when dad heard this, he tried to get mom to stop listening, and said to her that "hes using you". I said to her that I wasn't and that I just wanted someone to understand me, to which she said that she knew. Dad also called me "mentally sick/crazy" in Chinese. He's always been like this, treating this emotion like a disease in the family, and me the source that he avoids. I hate him so much, I've always resented him for some things he did before, even to mom, but now I don't want to speak to him for a long time. I've always remembered painful words he said to me and hurt me. It's true that I need to start managing myself more and start taking charge of my school life along with doing more things than just my internet life and hobbies. But it's so hard, just to even try sometimes. Someone answer me, am I wrong for thinking and feeling this way? Is this what a good father would do and say to their son? Am I delusional and "asking too much" from him like he says? I don't want to rely on my parents forever, especially not my dad and want to stand up for myself, have the mental and emotional strength to do so. I feel so hollow, so miserable, desolate and alone. No one understands or sympathizes with me. Not even my parents, instead they do this to me. Someone help me. I fear that if this goes on, I might eventually do something so bad I can't take back.