Maybe it's just my paranoia, or something else entirely, but these past few weeks have made me feel so... Unwanted. Like, I shouldn't be here. I don't know how to describe it, but it's just been these little... Things that keep on happening and I'm starting to genuinely wonder if everyone secretly hates me, or if I truly belong here. I've barely gained any new followers, I haven't posted as often as I'd like, I've been too lazy to actually improve myself or truly find my identity, and seeing my friends constantly fight and argue or just being depressed has genuinely done a number on me.

It's so frustrating because I KNOW that people truly DO care about me and I KNOW that everything's gonna get better, but my anxiety constantly makes me feel the opposite. I think that's the problem: I don't love myself as much as I love others. Every single day I help as many people as I can, but honestly, it feels like nobody's ever really reached out to ME. I constantly give everything I have to make others happy, but nobody ever asks how I'm doing. I'm not even trying to say this in a selfish way, like "oh you guys need to pay attention to me and give me support, notice me", but it's more just like... Damn, can I at LEAST get SOME level of empathy? Why do I have to be the one to break up arguments? Why do I have to be the one who gives the most support when nobody else does? Why do I have to always be polite and nice? Why does everyone hate me when I've done nothing truly wrong? Why does everyone just assume the absolute worst? Why can't I just truly be myself? Why do I gotta always put this fake-ass smile on my face and act like I'm doing alright?

Why is it that I ALWAYS have to be the one to save the day?

I don't even ask for much honestly, where I'm at in my life right now is actually pretty good, but it just feels like I haven't gotten my flowers or my credit where it's due. People act like I'm always happy 100% of the time and I only rarely get upset, but to tell you the truth... Deep down, I just don't know anymore. Like sure, I'll wish people a great day, but have I truly done anything to deserve a great day too? I'm a nobody on the internet who just posts shitty-ass drawings from a dumb bear game. I don't DESERVE the recognition, 'cause all I do is just secretly whine and bitch and moan about shit that doesn't truly matter at the end of the day, like what I'm doing right now.

Before I go, let me just be clear and say that this post is NOT directed at ANYONE. This is simply just a personal vent towards myself, please do not read this and assume I'm talking about you or someone else in particular. I'm so sorry for such an aggressive rant, but it's just like... Man, I've had such a miserable week and I just wanted to vent my frustrations. If you want to unfollow me because of this, I wouldn't even blame you. I guess what I'm just trying to say in all of this is that: I probably won't be active on THIS site as much anymore. The atmosphere lately has just been getting to me, and as you can clearly see, I probably need a break from it all. I've done nothing to be appreciated for. Don't worry, this isn't goodbye forever or anything like that, and I WILL return, but at least for a few days (maybe a week or more, I don't know), I need to take care of myself. I'll try to post new art when I can, and I'll also try to talk with my friends and stuff whenever possible, but if you don't really see me online that much these next couple of months, you know why. You can still catch me on my DeviantArt profile and stuff (I will continue to post art there, and I probably need to also make a BlueSky account now that I mention it), but aside from that... I don't know. I just need a break. Even if it's only for a few days or something, I just need a break.

I'll see y'all on the flipside, whenever that happens.