10 months ago

I'M NOT OKAY.


IM NOT OKAY.

I'M SERIOUSLY NOT OKAY ANYMORE. I’VE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS HEAVY JEALOUSY THAT’S EATING ME UP INSIDE.

EVERY TIME I JOIN A VC WITH SOMEONE I REALLY CARE ABOUT, SHE ALWAYS ENDS UP JOINING TOO. AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS, I JUST FEEL THIS RUSH OF PAIN AND ANXIETY — SO I LEAVE.

I LEAVE BECAUSE I’M SCARED I’LL LOSE CONTROL OR SAY SOMETHING I’LL REGRET.

AND IT KEEPS HAPPENING.

I HEAR HER VOICE — SHE SOUNDS SO PRETTY, SO PERFECT — AND I JUST FEEL SMALL. I WAIT FOR HER TO LEAVE JUST SO I CAN COME BACK.

BUT DEEP INSIDE, I HATE SEEING HER AROUND THE PERSON I CARE ABOUT. IT HURTS. I GET THIS BAD FEELING LIKE SHE COULD TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME.

EVEN IF SHE'S TAKEN, THAT DOESN’T TAKE AWAY THIS FEAR THAT’S BEEN EATING ME ALIVE.

I HATE FEELING THIS WAY.

I HATE FEELING SO JEALOUS.

I HATE THAT I CAN’T JUST BE OKAY.

I’M TIRED OF HOLDING IT IN.



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