And i know its hard to do something about it now, when you barely have any energy to get out of bed, but hear me, repeating this routine wont get you anywhere, while you keep watching this movie play ans replay everyday, you waste the oportunity to get up and go out of the theatre. It doesnt need to be somerhing extraordinary, sometimes, just getting up is enough, just tidying your bed is enough, you dont need to achieve something big everday, because life doesnt happen suddenly, it happens gradually. Step by step you'll get out of this, but you'll need to take the first step. If youre down, without energy, then start by getting up, tidying your room, taking the trash out, yknow, daily tasks. Its okay if you dont have the energy to do everything. Doing one thing or another is ok, just dont be too hard on yourself. "Oh but i dont have energy to get out of bed and do all that." Then try without energy. because life is all about trying, failing, trying again, and sure, it is exhausting to fall down many times, to run without getting out of place, but there are many reasons to continue, you just dont see it now cause youre blind. And no, its not your fault, to be blind, to have this illness, to be anxious, to be depressed is not your fault, it should be treated just like a cancer, that is, with proper care, and this care needs to be given by yourself first, that is SEEK HELP. There are suicide hotlines you can call, you can tell a friend you trust abiut it, a family member, someone you know wont judge, because yes, they might not understand what youre feeling, surprise surprise, were all different, but dont make that make you want to not tell anyone else, because yes, this is fundamental for your health. Just like we seek a hospital when were sick, you need to seek your therapist, your hotline, anything to take these thoughts out, you can seek meditation, try reading books (careful on which one), just dont stay with this inside yourself, and dont let panick/hopelessness take over your body, because this is not the end, your every breath only makes you stronger, and makes you a living miracle even more, cause since your birth you went against all odds, of being born with a deficiency, ir worst, being born dead, you were born the way you were and thats enough of a reason to celebrate, thats why birthdays exist, because its to cheer your being, to be happy that you were born to this world.

Everything is gonna be ok, its gonna get well, the key is... Just keep trying