Hello everyone, it’s Ian. I’m the Technical Artist and Environment Designer at Little Moth.

I hope your collective days are going well! In the last dev-post Cherylynn discussed some of Jonas’ origins, but mentioned that some of the deeper inspirations for the game would be talked about later.

It’s later, now! I will say beforehand that this dev-log will be discussing alcoholism, depression, and a history of addiction.

That said, I’ll begin with the main inspiration for the game: Alcoholism.

(Beast of Addiction seen above)

Alcoholism is a prominent topic in Cherylynn and I’s lives— specifically, as a very familiar demon our families have faced/are facing. It’s a sickness that has taken precious moments from our childhood and warped them into events that a child should never have to go through. It has changed people we once knew into unrecognizable entities, struggling to live normal, healthy lives. The denial that our family members have gone through, and the acts of deceit they’ve chosen to replace their realities with have unfortunately driven away many, many people.

I will be specifically referencing my own relationship with alcoholism from this point on in this log in order to respect Cherylynn’s viewpoint, and to not put words into her mouth.

With my family, the dependence on alcohol was something that seemed to be an ever-pervasive thing. My dad would talk about our family’s addictive tendencies and how we had a history of addiction in his family, and my mom would say the same about her side as well. It was something I was always cautious of, due to statements like that. Now it’s something I am always aware of.
Now growing up I was always taken care of. My parents were always there, always cared, and were never neglectful of my two sisters or I. They worked themselves to the bone to have me go to a great school, to live in a good place that was close to the friends I grew up with, and to see that there was always food in the cupboard. I had a good upbringing. But as I grew up I noticed my parent’s were drinking more and more. It went from half a bottle of wine at night, to a bottle, to vodka-juice mixed drinks in the middle of the day. Needless to say, it was scary. It is scary.
Now, I’m not airing my parent’s dirty laundry. I’m not shaming them. I’m not throwing them under the bus. I’m speaking subjectively about experiences I’ve had with two people who are very close to me who are suffering from substance abuse problems. They are great parents who provided for me in every way they knew how until they couldn’t support even themselves. But I digress…

I remember at 17, listening to them fight in the basement night after night. I remember at 19 having my first full-on stress black-out caused by my overwhelming feelings about their substance abuse. I lost three hours. There was nothing my parents could do. They were stone drunk and didn’t know how to handle their child in that state. I remember at 20 when I moved out to attend college “Everything was great” every time I called, but I always knew when they were drunk in the middle of the day when I’d call them. They would lie, and lie, and lie. It killed me inside to know that. Then, one day, after being lied to for three months, a family member tells me all about what has been going on in my absence. The drinking has increased to all day, there’s no work getting done (they are self-employed), they’re not trying to catch up on rent even though they’re behind three months. Nothing. To top it all off, they are being told that they either have to move out, or they will be evicted. My younger sister needed to have them help her to figure out papers for her schooling and they just weren’t following through. Nothing.

The drinking changed them from two, wonderful, loving people who worked hard for what they had, to slow, depressed, neglectful, and sometimes downright awful people to be around.

I now want to talk about the lighter side of succumbing to substance abuse, and that is getting out of it. My parents have sought help through local agencies dealing with detoxing and group therapy, such as alcoholics anonymous, and a few other rehabilitation services. They’re looking to continue treatment in order to kick their addiction for good, so that they can return to living their best. They even live in a great new place! But this rise had to happen, because from where they were, there was nowhere else to go but up if they wanted to keep living. I’m proud of their recovery so far, though it’s far from perfect and there’s still a lot of work to do. The last time I went home, I felt as if I could actually speak with the parents I remember. There were bumps in the road but I felt I could connect with them. It was a relief, and something I’ve reflected greatly on since then. I missed my parents with all my heart. It is devastating that they’ve suffered so greatly. I’m hoping to see them say they’re free from it, some day. I will support them however I can until then…

That said, these events and more led up to Cher and I conceptualizing a game as a means of catharsis. We wanted to express some of the more blunt ideas about the topic by creating a character who suffered from this problem, one that was inspired by the many people in our lives that suffered from the same addictions. We wanted to have this character find redemption. We wanted this character to talk to all the darkest parts of themselves and reflect on what they were told. Thus spawned the idea for Keep in Mind. We drew upon writings such as The Mysterious Stranger by Mark Twain, Dante’s Inferno, and various gaming medias described in the prior dev-log. It is both a game for those who have experienced the sadness caused by familial substance abuse, and for those who may feel as if there is no return from the darkness.

This being our first true game plotted a course for the direction of Little Moth itself. We are striving to create games that don’t spare details where they are necessary. We want to talk about these problems we’ve faced, so that others can talk about them with us. We hope to create games that are an ongoing conversation about these sensitive topics. We want to focus our efforts on empathy and underrepresented narratives in the hope that we can change the world in some small way. We want to bring back the light in our own lives through our creations, and hopefully help others do the same.

Thanks for reading and take care,

Ian

P.S.
If any of you have further questions about Little Moth, our philosophies, our development process, or if you just want to show us something cool you’re working on, you can find us all over the place.

Twitter: https://goo.gl/Ya3c1q
Tumblr: https://goo.gl/Mx6uug
Facebook: https://goo.gl/Qqvh49
Youtube: https://goo.gl/g5cfHV
Akupara Games: https://goo.gl/t5xntu

If you want to follow our personal twitters:
Ian’s twitter: https://goo.gl/vpy5c6
Cher’s twitter: https://goo.gl/YGVxK9
Akupara Games Twitter: https://goo.gl/cocTts