3 months ago

Local Duck Steals the Crypto Currency Wallet Password from a Billionaire; What Happened Next Shocked The World


Yesterday night, popular billionaire, Dr. Odeest, was doing his crypto currency market research, looking into the current value of the new JOY Coin, when he suddenly heard loud noises coming from the kitchen. When he went to check, he found a goose had entered his house and had picked up a nearby knife.

Odeest, obviously concerned regarding this turn of events, decided to make a run for it and left his house, running to the nearest police station. While he is gone, and as we could see from his security cameras, the Goose unlocked the door to his backyard, from where five or so ducks came through. Four of them began raiding the kitchen, eating all his cheese and vegetables, while one of them was attracted towards the computer, which screen was still lit up, and began looking into it perplexed.

After a few seconds of said perplexion, the Duck saw a harddrive on the desk and, for whatever reason no scientist has been able to crack, decided to swallow it whole, before slamming his head against the keyboard, unluckily (for Odeest), buying JOY coins at what was at the time the highest point of influx. After it had bought what was equal of a hundred million USD, it turned around, bumping against another Duck which saw the bump as nothing short of disrespectful, and began chasing him around the room.

After a bit of chase, one of the Ducks tripped and hit himself against the table, launching it forward and throwing it into the ground, where it broke into a million pieces as the fragile high-class laptops from Bracked often do.

The Ducks also somehow managed to: Turn the AC to max, turn the television on, used the security phone on the second floor to order some pizza, ripped a "Wally's Awesome Nights" poster off of the wall and each one of them defecated on the bed.

Once the owner and the police had arrived, the ducks quickly scurried away, only having one of the ducks kept in for questioning, of which they obviously got no information from. Odeest made an emotional break-down post on social media, stating what had happened, to which millions of users on the internet simply told him to go fuck himself and then go die. It seems as if the users on the internet didn't value the loss of a billionaire who was infamous for exploiting the working class as much as he could've expected.

In an interveiw we held with him, Odeest claimed, quote, "Oh god, oh fucking hell, what the fuck did I do to deserve it? Oh fuck.. Now I'm going to have to go back to [Sorry folk, Gamejolt doesn't like this profession!! Use your imagination!] on the street to be able to afford a single gourmette meal...", the remainer of the interview were incontrollable sobs and mentions of how rich and wealthy he was.

People on the internet have begun making jokes out of this in regards to placing evil Billionaire-hating Ducks in billionaire houses so they may ruin their lives, though it seems as if the billionaires controlling said platforms are censoring and banning anyone who dares make said jokes.

More news on Customer's The Onion.



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