So, I’m still forming the idea of the game, but I’m going to go ahead and outline the controls anyway. The game may change but these controls won’t. I’m sure that makes sense. Right. Anyway, Controls.

So there are two controls in Reach. It’s very innovative in that way. You can use the left and right mouse buttons. One does one thing and the other does something else. I don’t know what will happen if you try to use a laptop, it might explode… or the game might become a unicorn based adventure. I really don’t know. My cat is in charge of coding that bit.

So, these mouse buttons. You click them in my game. That’s cool right? Good. I think so too. Clicking is the best thing to do with a button. Except red buttons. Those aren’t so nice. My mouse doesn’t have one of those and if yours does it might be a Landmine in disguise. Don’t trust red buttons. Ever.

Anyway, now that I’ve completely wasted a perfectly good paragraph describing those clicky things on your mustache clad anti personal device you should probably know what those non-explody bits do. The left one. That’s the one to the left of the right. A good way to make sure you have the right one in mind is to ask a friend. They are super helpful. Especially when they set off your landmines and not you.

Right. Wait no, left! That left bit we we’re talking about before your friend so rudely destroyed your computer. That thing makes one of your arms in Reach go whoosh! Now the right button, that’s a whole different story. If you’re having trouble finding the right button you should find the left one. The right one’s not the left one. Simple. Anyway, this right button is a real hipster. It doesn’t do the whoosh that the left does. No sir. That’s so last 4 sentences! This right button, it goes splAt. Yup, pretty cool. I agree. And so do I.

I’m never writing one of these while I’m caffeine and sleep deprived ever again. But I’m not editing this either. It amuses me to much. I’m going to go to sleep. If you still have no idea which is left and right you should seek mental attention at the nearest Walmart, it’s in Aisle 4. If that doesn’t help I have a great straight jacket available for a fantastic price. If that doesn’t help you should probably talk to /b/. They are good at sorting this sort of thing out. OK. I’m done now. Seriously.

More on Reach incoming. Hopefully even more confusion as well…