To get straight to it, I haven't been feeling alright as of recent. Mentally anyway.

I'm ultimately just stressed out, I don't feel the same as I did years ago. I don't normally vent to the public as I like to keep to myself or tell specific friends, but this needs to be done. With everything going on with me lately I just haven't been alright mentally, I feel I keep pushing myself which really just demotivates me entirely. With my projects I won't lie to you, I have genuinely thought about leaving game development entirely, multiple times actually and that's because I've been stressed or don't feel I've been doing a good enough job to keep going forward with them, feels less like a hobby and more like a main priority. I'm also behind on commissions as of recent, with that, the projects, and stuff in my personal life I've just been down lately. Now I can absolutely take it easy and take a huge break, which I won't lie has helped, but as soon as I come back I'm stumped because I immediately fall behind on commissions and so much which just feels that adds more to what I have to do. I'm not blaming people who commission me though, not their fault, 100% me for agreeing, but with me I need money to strive so when I get offered money to work I do it, and I have done work absolutely, I just feel crushed under weight right now and always feel like I'm being judged for it. I'm also working an irl job, something to make income with so I honestly rarely have time to do stuff I REALLY wanna do like not even lying as soon as I get home from 8 hours I don't even get on my PC if at all anymore.

Don't worry though, I WILL do the commissions I promised to do, I'm slow on them but that's due to me dealing with so much rn and stress piling up on me. There's more to my personal life but not wanting to discuss it. I'm really sorry for those waiting on me, personally speaking. I feel very bad all the time, everyday because I feel I'm not making right decisions but I know I can't force myself.

And also, I'm not gonna leave game development anytime soon, I have thought of it yes, but I promised myself and to y'all I would finish a series, AGP, and Bradley's. Anything after those is by decision but my main priorities are those 2 games. I just feel I let all of you down anytime I post nothing game dev related and just random shit instead. I get it, I do, but I can't show much and I'd rather not rush those who are helping me with projects, they don't deserve that so I just don't post a lot of game dev stuff till I know it's okay to show off.

I've been also working on projects for friends, not even my own stuff so I rarely have time to focus on my own games, which again not blaming anyone or anything besides myself for getting myself into these situations. I think on this stuff all the time, and I normally don't talk about this stuff because I'm not at all a social person, I'm very awkward with this stuff and worry wayyy too much about things, so I just hold everything to myself or talk with close friends here and there.

I know these games aren't super important, but I want to do these to not waste anyone's time and prove to myself I can improve personally, mentally, etc. I'm not at all putting these games above anything so don't worry, it's just the fact everything is all on me right now that's causing me to stress out. These are hobbies and some I made goals to finish at least, and for those waiting on my work for ur commissions I thank you so much for giving me chances. I don't feel I deserve it but y'all do give me time despite me thinking way too much of it, I appreciate all of you guys and I promise I'll do all of these eventually, but for now I'm just pushing a heavy boulder on my shoulders that I hope to overcome eventually.

I won't even lie, I have even compared my projects to others and felt the need to push myself, which again is my fault. But I later stopped so I don't think everything I do is shit lol. But honestly, there's so many of u that deserve the recognition and I'm sorry to see the competition of it all overshadow everything. Keep up the work and y'all will get there.

If you read all this I thank you, if not then that's fine. It's ur choice, not mine. I just wanted to apologize and open up on this stuff, I haven't been at my best for myself and have been very down lately, but I really want to one day get over that. just slowly at this rate.

I apologize if this isn't well typed out, I am again not the most social for this stuff and I typed it the best I could anyway. I just hope y'all understand a lot. If you have questions I will answer them for further context if needed.