Despite everything that I have done for my audience, no matter how much I try to show you every single possible detail while developing Lazy Nights, it just doesn't feel right. The game doesn't feel genuine and it feels like that i'm forcing myself to keep developing it despite my interest shitting the bed. Because no matter how much I change aspects of the atmosphere, story, thematic elements, and overall scares, it feels always feels disrespectful to the people producing the show, and the people that I have hurt throughout my life.

No video game jumpscare can come close to the real-life horrors that I have experienced in life. I found myself in the US military after 9/11 and I was deployed to Iraq in 2003 alongside thousands of others like me. Many of us were scared and our souls ended up becoming nothing but fear and hatred against the people that took thousands of lives away during 9/11. Many of us joined the US Military to seek vengeance. I, alongside others were deployed to kill whatever stood in our way. I was taught to murder, and I did. I took away the lives of what I thought were my enemies back then. These memories, bodies, and images will always forever stick with you after coming back home to your family members. But multiple fathers who still had their entire life ahead of them, no matter how flawed they might have been during the last years of their existence, were unable to come back home to their wives and children because of me. No video on LiveLeak, no matter how gory it might be, can be compared to reality, and a prerendered horror game featuring LazyTown characters is nothing compared to LiveLeak.

I came back home with severe PTSD, vivid nightmares, and suicidal thoughts. And none of those went away to this day. This is how i've discovered LazyTown and I have watched every episode of it to numb myself to what i've done in my tour. LazyTown made me feel all warm with it's vibrant world and characters. It made me feel like a kid again. I've lost faith in children's entertainment and perhaps the entire country after years of lackluster quality, identity politics, and attacks against me and the country that the mainstream has done.

With all of the problems going on in the US and the world itself thanks to the recent events in Israel and Palestine, this project that I have been holding on for ages has lost it's steam over the years. It now feels exploitative and disgusting, especially it's story. But at the same time I can't just quit a project I've been working on for so long. The reason that i've discovered LazyTown in the first place isn't because of a internet meme or just me simply channel surfing. It was because of my cowardice and guilt that I have bottled up over the years. I wish that I could have a family, and to have beautiful children with a loving wife, I could have a daughter that reminded me of Stephanie in the show, or a son with Magnús Scheving (Sportacus actor and LazyTown creator) as one of his many role models throughout life. But thanks to my age, I don't think that it's possible anymore without my children ending up either disabled, or simply never born at all. I have been reduced to disability checks, alcohol, unemployment, masturbation, and making a strange little game that barely holds my interest at all.

This might be my last post if things end up turning sour. If you log on to see a announcement about the game being cancelled. Don't expect it to return. I hope that I can somehow complete this game in time.