Depressing messages in Brazil ball community

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Why do i feel like i have to be perfect to make everyone happy
Why do i hide behind this mask of silliness when i dont actually feel that way inside
I'm tired of adult life, I'm not free to do what I want, my parents lied to me that I could be free
They just put pressure on me that I'm going to the army, I am always watched by my parents
Well, tomorrow is my birthday, but I don't really know if I should be happy about it because I'm going to be 18
I'm afraid my dad will do "the gift" because he thinks I'm addicted to ### while I am aromantic/asexual
I really don't want to be tomorrow