Life moves so fast, and I feel so behind. And it’s not fun, and everyday feels the same kinda. I love hanging out with my friends and talking in the gc, but I feel like…do they like hanging out with me? Do they enjoy my company? Or are they politely accepting my company…I know what I’m saying is shit rn but I genuinely wanna get my feelings out. I know tomorrow I’m gonna regret this but wtv. I couldn’t enjoy today without being eating up in guilt. That’s all I felt. It was never her fault, nor his. It was mine. All mine. I’m an horrible person and i wish i never even had a crush on him. I hope things get better tomorrow but I highly doubt it. Anyways aside from that, as I was talking about the life thing..I genuinely meant it. 2024 was…something. And I feel like my 2025 will be worser than last year. I’m not sure but I lost my dad, and I lost so many others. I feel like I’m losing control over everything and my life. I couldn’t even keep my dad, I wish there was something I could’ve done to be a good daughter so he wouldn’t leave me for a girl, but it’s too late…I lost my father. I wish I didn’t, because I used to be a daddy’s girl, I used to really love my dad and all that just went in the trash. For some girl and her kids, it isn’t fair. I know life isn’t fair but this was too harsh man…and i wish there was something I could’ve done differently to keep my ex friends. Probably take the mistreatment as long as they stayed. I also get body shamed by my family, left and right. I even got fucking body shamed by my own EX BF. I won’t get into details about what I tried (and failed) to do to myself. but one thing I’ll say is, everything I eat…I feel guilt. Nothing but guilt. I shouldn’t be eating. I don’t care if I’m thin like my family claims. I shouldn’t be eating, I don’t deserve it. That’s why I throw some of my food away and barely finish it. And it’s not like my family ever helped. They called me “too thin” and “I’m eating too much” when I never gained weight, it made me feel so self conscious about myself. It took a big toll on me and my body. so, thanks a lot to my family. I never felt like I was perfect, not for myself or anything. I don’t care what you say. I was never perfect. And never meant to be, no matter how hard I tried.

“I’m sitting in my brothers room, haven’t slept in a week or two. I think I’ve might’ve fallen in love, what am I to do?” - Halleys Comet - Billie Eilish ❤️.