yay we’re back here again, don’t even bother reading this. Anyways,, I have trouble holding grudges, no matter how long I try, it’s rare for me to stop talking to you and cut off context. I always say “idc” but I definitely care, I always cared. Even if I didn’t want to. It sucks. I also never had a real bond with my family, to them, I’m just the “angry moody daughter who is always on her phone”. That’s not what I am, I never been that. I used the phone as a distraction from my life and that’s why I have a lot of screen time on it. I want to escape the harsh reality of my life by being on my phone. And it seems like it only has worked for so long. Theres somethings I don’t wanna tell my mom, and I feel shitty if I ever told her that I tried to attempt before (on multiple occasions.) I don’t wanna worry or upset her, so I never said anything and acted like how she acted me to do, distant, moody, and always on my phone. So she won’t know that’s I’m actually upset or sad. I also never told her because of the reason I just gave you and she always tells me there’s more people with bigger problems, I get it. There is, but I would love for my feelings to get acknowledged too. But I always suppress my feelings and emotions. I’m just getting used to be opening up about my feelings in posts and turning the comments on, I always turned comments off because, not because I didn’t want help, I was scared of getting hate comments but I’m brave enough to vent openly. (Idk if that’s good or not). Also, I always compared myself to others. I genuinely think highly of others and wish I was them. Because I hate myself so much to the point where I wanna be someone else. Sometimes, if I act dry or off, only one, two, or 3 people noticed. Or I get brushed off. I feel like a bitch for venting to my friends even tho they told me that they are there for me. I wish I wasn’t this way. Not at all.