(For my newer followers, Theodore/Fisher!Theo is my OC, and Tom's twin bro, Alyssa is my OC and Tom and Allison's daughter, and Amy is Henry's daughter and my sona/mascot)

Sammy: You don't have to believe in yourself. Just believe in the me that believes in you.

Susie: Whoa. That's really deep, Sammy

Sammy: Well, it's not mine, it's from Gurren Lagann.

Susie: Oh well, if it's German, I want no part of it.

Sammy: It's a fucking anime.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Buddy Boris: Well, this is the part where she kills us.

Twisted Alice: Hello, this is the part where I kill you.

*Pop-up appears with the title of "The Part Where She Kills You" and the description of "This is that Part"*

(Source: Portal 2)

_____________

Sammy: We’re here to stop the senseless slaughter of these people!

Joey: 92.

Sammy: This has gone on for too long, and now you’re going to pay!

Joey: 355.

Sammy: We are… We… What are you..?

Joey: No, go on. Continue. Don’t mind me.

Sammy: And… we are the ones who will stop you!

Joey: Oh, wow! 419.

Sammy: That’s it! What the hell are you doing?

Joey: Oh, sorry. It’s a little hobby of mine. I hear these heroic speeches so wearily often. So I started keeping a mental list of how often I hear certain lines.

Sammy: You... You insane bastard!

Joey: 190.

Wally: Yeah? Well, uh… we’re going to… FUCK YOUR FACE!

Joey: Oh, my!

Joey: 12.

(Source: DragonBall Z Abridged)

_____________

Sammy: I'm going to make instant noodles.

Wally: Make sure to drink it hot so it can warm up your cold, dead heart.

Sammy, mumbles: Don't fucking tell me what to do.

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Sammy: I really want to kiss you.

Susie: What?

Sammy: I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN'T MISS YOU.

(Source: Vine)

_____________

Joey: Come over

Henry: I can't, my car only has three wheels.

Joey: Do you have a tricycle?

Henry: You were supposed to say "but my parents aren't home"

Joey: I was distracted by your tricycle

Henry: Okay start over

Joey: Okay

Joey: Come over

Henry: I can't, my car only has three wheels.

Joey: What colour is your tricycle

Henry: Fuck you.

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Susie: Come on now, I wasn’t that drunk!

Sammy: You tried to color my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.

Susie: *tearing up* But you are!

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Bertrum: I’m sorry you had to witness such a vicious fight.

Wally: Oh? Was that a fight?

Bertrum: Are you kidding? Lacie said “You’ll have to excuse me” instead of “Please, excuse me”. May as well spit in my face.

(Source: Brooklyn Nine Nine)

_____________

Boris: Realistically, the space under my bed is so small that a monster under there would also have to be very small. Like a baby monster. I would have to take care of it.

Alice: Responsibility, the real monster under the bed.

Bendy: Alternatively, it could be a slime-like monster waiting to absorb and dissolve you.

Boris: Why do you have to make everything worse?

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Sammy: I know we’ve always had this unspoken rivalry.

Wally: It’s not a rivalry, you’re just always mean to me. And not unspoken, you talk about it all the time.

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Thomas: Alright Wally, your word is-

Wally: Wally, W, A, L, I, E, Wally.

Thomas: No, that’s not your word, that’s your name.

Thomas: And you misspelled it.

(Source: Wizards of Waverly Place)

_____________

Amy: Can I have a candy?

Wally: What did Henry say?

Amy: No.

Wally: Then why would I let you?

Amy: He’s not the boss of you.

Wally, internally: it’s a trap.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Wally: WOAH, WAIT!!!

Thomas, holding a pipe above his head: *Freezes*

Wally: I just wanted to see what would happen if I said that.

Thomas: *Throws the pipe at him*

(Source: Kolkpravis)

_____________

Sammy: I’ll have a cheeseburger, some fries, and an AMEN.

*later*

Sammy: You forgot my AMEN.

*even later*

Sammy: WHERE THE HELL’S MY AMEN‽

(Source: Whose Line is it, Anyways?)

_____________

Wedgar: If watermelon exists why doesn’t earthmelon, firemelon, and airmelon??

Darley: The elemelons.

Tharley: But it all changed when the firemelon attacked.

Wedgar: Only the avocado, master of all four elemelons, could stop them.

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Joey: We here at Joey Drew Studios would like to remind you that our animation practices are completely legal

Wally: Tell that to our flammable water

(Source: Achievement Hunter (Four Farmers One Bed))

_____________

Jack: I need you to explain it like a normal person.

Grant: Wally seems to get it.

Wally: *scribbling in a journal*

Jack: Wally is drawing stick figures.

(Source: She-Ra)

_____________

Sammy: There are 6 kids and 3 chairs, what do you do?

Norman: Build 3 more chairs.

Joey: Kill half the kids.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Thomas: How many popsicles have you eaten today?

Wally, laying in a bed of popsicle wrappers: Now is not the time to talk about my personal flaws as a human.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Norman: There are many paths to the same place. Trust me.

Sammy: Just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie.

(Source: Criminal Minds)

_____________

Allison: Love makes you do some pretty stupid things.

Alyssa: I love everything!

Allison: That explains a lot.

(Source: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy)

_____________

Henry: You are just terrible today!

Joey: Shhhh... do you hear that?

Joey: That's the sound of forgiveness!

Henry: That's the sound of people drowning, Joey!

Joey: That's what forgiveness sounds like.

Joey: Screaming, and then silence.

(Source: Llamas with Hats)

_____________

Shawn: What's your greatest fear?

Wally: Being forgotten.

Shawn: Damn that's deep.

Shawn: Mine's the Kool-Aid man but I feel kinda stupid about it now.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Sammy: In light of what you did for me, you may hug me for four to five seconds.

Norman: FORTY-FIVE SECONDS!

Sammy: NO! FOUR TO FIVE SECONDS!

(Source: Modern Family)

_____________

Twisted Alice: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away you’re coming right to me?

Allison Angel: I can’t stab the shit out of you without getting closer.

(Source: Jojo's Bizarre Adventure)

_____________

Sammy, grumbling: This’ll be a fine show of music hall trickery and charlatanism.

Joey: You sir, in the front row. What’s your name?

Sammy: Ooh, he’s picked the wrong man, for I have the most rational and scientific mind here. My name? It is Sammy!

Joey: I knew that.

Sammy: OH! MY! GOD! HOW DID HE KNOW? OOH, HE’S MAGIC I TELL YOU, MAGIC!

(Source: Bleak Expectations)

_____________

Sammy: Uh, Wally, could you read this line for me?

Wally: No, I cannot. Waddup? I'm Wally, I'm 23, and I never fucking learned how to read.

(Source: Vine)

_____________

Theodore: Name one thing I've failed at!

Grant: Would you like to see the list?

Grant: *unrolls a piece of paper so long people start tripping over it*

(Source: Veggietales)

_____________

Norman: We’ve got a problem.

Grant: I think we should maybe copyright that phrase.

(Source: White Collar)

_____________

Wally: Chillax!

Sammy: That’s not a word.

Wally: Sometimes the ones who deny ‘chillax’ are the ones who need to chillax the most.

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Joey: It's not how I typically get my information.

Sammy: How do you typically do it?

Joey: I find the person, and then I put the fear of God into them until they talk. But we can try it your way.

(Source: Arrow)

_____________

News Reporter: We’re here with seven-year-old Wally Franks who fended off a kidnapper earlier today. How did you do it, Wally?

Wally: Well, thank ya for askin’. I used the Bittenbinder method. When I saw the perp approachin’, I chewed up a tab of Alka-Seltzer I carry with me at all times. This created a foaming-at-the-mouth appearance that made it look like I had rabies. Now I’ve thrown him off his rhythm. 

Wally: Then I reach into his jacket pocket where I had planted a gram of coke and I went, ‘Whoa! What the fuck is this?’ And he goes, ‘That’s not mine. I never seen that before.’ I go, ‘Boo-hoo, it’s in your jacket. You’re doing two to ten and your kids are going into Social Services.’ Now he’s cryin’! 

Wally: Then I grab a telephone book and I beat him on the torso with it. ‘Cause as any Chicago cop will tell ya, a phone book doesn’t leave bruises.

News Reporter: Well, that was seven-year-old Wally Franks, currently being sued for police brutality.

(Source: John Mulaney)

_____________

Joey: Guys, from now on I’ll be living on my own

Studio members: Well, okay.

Joey: Your belongings are outside, you can leave now.

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Henry: I told you to play nice.

Joey: I did.

Henry: You shot him!

Joey: He wouldn’t shut up.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Henry: That’s it! You’re all grounded. Joey, no sacrifices for you. Sammy, no chocolate cake for you. Norman, no wandering for you. And Allison…

Henry: Oh god… Is there anything that you love?

Allison: Revenge.

Henry: No vengeance for you.

Allison: I was gonna say, “I’ll get you for this,” but I guess that’s off the table.

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Bertrum, sneering: I've already told you once, Joseph. Nobody screws with me.

Joey: Well, maybe you'll meet the right girl, and all that will change.

(Source: Police Academy)

_____________

(touring the studio)

Wally: Is that a statue of bendy

Joey: Yeah

Wally: Why

Joey: Is there any reason you would find satisfactory

Wally: No

(Source: 17779)

_____________

Norman, reading from classified police files: Sammy is, once again, receiving their unconditional recommendation for active service. From a psychiatric standpoint, he remains in outstanding health -

Sammy: Yeah, see what I mean?

Norman: - except, of course, for his inexplicable, nearly-pathological fear of ducks.

Susie: You’re afraid of... ducks?

Sammy: *high-pitch* No I’m n- *normal pitch* No. I’m... Of course I’m not.

Norman: *softly* quack.

Sammy: Stop that.

Norman: Quuuaaack!

Sammy: I said stop it!

(Source: Wolf 359)

_____________

Joey: How do you spell “manslaughter”?

Henry: “M-a-n-s-l-a-u-g-h-t-e-r.” Why?

Joey: I’m writing Christmas cards.

Henry: Joey, no.

(Source: Submitter original)

_____________

Wally: You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses, would you?

Henry: *removes the glasses from Wally's face and smashes them over his head*

Wally: You hit a guy... with glasses. Well played.

(Source: Wreck it Ralph)

_____________

Joey: The quickest way to a someone’s heart is through the fourth and fifth rib.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Sammy: I’m Sammy and I speak for the lord!

Sammy: The lord says to shut the fuck up.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Theodore: Haha, you look pathetic.

Thomas: Says the guy who got K.O.-ed by a puppy.

Theodore: Fuck you.

(Source: Tokyo Ghoul in 5 Minutes)

_____________

Theodore, kicking the Ink Machine: I need to tell you something about this machine.

Joey: What?

Theodore, punching the Ink Machine: I hate it.

(Source: Twitter)

_____________

Theodore: *holding Wally up*

Wally: Do I weigh anything to you?

Theodore: No, it's like holding a couple of grapes.

(Source: Brooklyn Nine Nine)

_____________

Wally: Hey, has anyone seen the plunger?

Wally: *sees Alyssa at the end of the room*

Wally: WHO THE THE HELL ARE YOU?!

Alyssa: I WORK HERE.

Wally: NO YOU DON’T.

Alyssa: YES I D- 

Wally: NO THE HELL YOU DON’T.

(Source: Vine)

_____________

Sammy: One time Theo came over here. All he did was lie seductively on the piano and feed himself grapes. I don’t really like that guy. But I admire his lifestyle.

(Source: Undertale)

_____________

Sammy: Package for… Joey Drew!

Joey: Thanks, have a nice day!

Sammy: Don’t tell me what to do.

(Source: Drake and Josh)

_____________

Joey: You got the stuff?

Wally: *opens briefcase to reveal 7 ducklings*

Joey: The deal was 8.

Wally: I'm just the delivery guy. *hat quacks softly*

(Source: Foodfacenow on Twitter)

_____________

Joey: I think I speak for all of us when-

Every single studio member, simultaneously: He doesn't.

(Source: Brooklyn Nine Nine)

_____________

Thomas: We’re in Joey's territory with no backup.

Wally: I’m backup.

Sammy: No, you're an angry kid with a wrench. The adults are talking.

(Source: Infinity War)

_____________

Henry: The first guy that flirted back at me cuffed me to a tree and stole my cartoon character.

Sammy: That’s rough, buddy.

(Source: Avatar: The Last Airbender)

_____________

Joey: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.

Henry: Please never become a surgeon

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Shawn, on the phone: Okay, slow down, you're talking crazy.

Thomas: Oh, is it Grant?

Shawn, into the phone: Thomas says hi.

(Source: Bob's Burgers)

_____________

Joey: Please? For me?

Henry: Don't do that.

Joey: What?

Henry: You think every time you say "Please? For me?" I'll do whatever you want. Well, not this time.

Joey: Please? For me?

Henry: ... Okay.

(Source: iCarly)

_____________

Sammy: I’m not going to get into any more stupid arguments with him.

Wally: Water is not wet.

Sammy:

Sammy: How the hell is water not wet? It’s water!

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Sammy: Open up.

Norman: Sometimes I get sad when-

Sammy: That’s not what I meant.

Susie: Let him finish!

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Sammy: Sorry for trying to sacrifice you last night.

Henry: You knew the entire thing in Latin. I was so impressed.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Henry: How come every time I take you to the mall it burns to the ground?

Amy: I blame the economy.

(Source: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy)

_____________

Henry: I hope you have a good explanation for this.

Joey: I have three actually. You can pick your favourite.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Tom: Allison, can I ask you a question?

Allison Angel: Go on.

Tom: How did the cameraman hold his breath long enough to record Finding Nemo?

Allison Angel: …

(Source: Heyitsday6)

_____________

Joey: Jobs Jobs Jobs Jobs Work For Us Please We Need Help So Come Get A Job Job Job Job Job Job.

(Source: Discord updates)

_____________

Joey: When you turn 18, people are gonna try and tell you to buy drugs or cigarettes because you can. No. You know what else is legal to buy at 18? Blades. Get yourself a damn sword. A big knife is also okay.

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Norman: And he has this book, this burn book, where he writes mean things about all the workers in the studio.

Sammy: What does it say about me?

Norman, lying because the book describes Sammy as a manwhore: You're not in it.

Sammy: That bitch!

(Source: Mean Girls)

_____________

Sammy: Hey, Joey, don’t stand so close to me

Sammy: A stranger might think we’re friends.

(Source: Initial D)

_____________

Jack: That's a pretty dress.

Allison: Thank you.

Jack: Do you have a boy-

Allison: I have a pistol in my purse.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Wally: You can’t lose an argument if you end it with ‘shut up nerd’.

Grant: Yes you can.

Wally: Shut up, nerd.

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Thomas: *clicking pen*

Grant: *clicks pen in response*

Joey: Stop that.

Thomas: Stop what?

Joey: You’re talking about me in morse code.

Grant: Yeah, that’s what we’re doing. In our very limited free time, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.

Thomas: That’s... exactly what we did.

(Source: The Office)

_____________

Sammy, seeing that the pipe in his office had bursted again: Fucking Joeymmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

(Source: Doki Doki Literature Club)

_____________

Sammy: *walks up to picture of Jesus*

Sammy: Why you gotta be so mean to me?

(Source: The Office)

_____________

Wally: It's easiest for me to keep everyone's expectations low.

Wally: That way, it always counts when I put in some effort.

(Source: Doki Doki Literature Club)

_____________

Henry: You’re smiling. Did something good happen?

Sammy: I can’t just smile because I feel like it?

Norman: Wally tripped and fell in the parking lot.

(Source: The Office)

_____________

Joey: You don’t have to worry. Your secret is safe with me. To even it out, I’m gonna tell you all of my secrets.

Henry: Oh, no. That’s not necessary.

Joey: I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn’t actually sell my last car; I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is, and at this point I’m too afraid to ask. When they say 2% milk, I don’t know what the other 98% is. When I was a baby, my head was so big scientists did experiments on me. I once threw beer at a swan, and then it attacked our daughter, Amy.

(Source: The Office)

_____________

Sammy: I'm firing you.

Wally: You can't fire me. You're acting manager, not official manager. So you have no firing powers.

Sammy: Don't make me pre-fire you.

Wally: You wouldn't dare.

Sammy: Watch this. You're pre-fired. And when I'm promoted, you'll be full fired.

Wally: IF you're promoted, and IF you haven't fallen in love with me by then.

Sammy: What?

(Source: The Office)

_____________

Ink Demon!Amy: You should have run when you had the chance.

Sammy: I was a theater geek, not a track star.

(Source: Supergirl)

_____________

Wally: Why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I would be excited to just have a bunk bed.

Sammy:

Norman:

Sammy: I'm gonna tell him.

Norman: Don't you dare.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

Henry: Alright, group trip, where do you all want to go?

Amy: The Bahamas!

Henry: I don't know about that.

Joey: Let's go to hell.

Henry: ... No.

(Source: Vine)

_____________

Sammy: See that ball of fire in the sky? That’s the sun. it goes by many names: Apollo’s lantern, day moon, old blazy. The important thing is never to touch it.

Norman: I know what the sun is.

Sammy: Yes, now you do.

(Source: The Simpsons)

_____________

Joey: Have you ever had a cereal bar?

Henry: Yeah, when I was like 12.

Joey: How do they work? I put it in milk but it won't break up

Henry: You what

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

*Skipping stones over a pond*

Susie: It’s such a beautiful evening.

Sammy: Take that, you fucking lake.

(Source: Twitter)

_____________

Joey: Sammy, stop ignoring the janitor.

Sammy: I'm not ignoring the janitor, I'm ignoring all of you.

(Source: Big Bang Theory)

_____________

Sammy: You all know your parts?

Band Members: *nod*

Norman: Then let’s get to it!

Band Members: Yeah!

Band Members: *bump and stumble into each other before getting into position*

Norman: …

Sammy: …I can’t help but feel that we’ve hired several separate idiots to do various tasks…

(Source: Game Grumps)

_____________

Norman: I made tea.

Sammy: I don't want tea.

Norman: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.

Sammy: Then why are you telling me?

Norman: It's a conversation starter.

Sammy: That's a lousy conversation starter.

Norman: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

(Source: Big Bang Theory)

_____________

Susie: Allison, did you order me a dozen bath bombs, new shoes, and a gift basket of chocolates that say ‘Cheer up you depressed fuck?’

Allison: You didn’t order that? How strange. Oh well. It’s here. May as well enjoy. You still like lavender, right?

(Source: Tumblr)

_____________

Shawn: Hey, Wally sneezes like a girl!

Wally: How about I pound you like a boy?

Wally:

Wally: That didn't come out right.

(Source: Community)

_____________

Shawn: Watermelons are my enemy.

(Source: Headcanon for the Headcanon Jar)

_____________

Joey: Do you love me, Henry?

Henry: Of course I do, Joey.

Joey: Would you still love me if I did something bad?

Henry: Well of course…I…would…

Joey: I mean something really REALLY–

Henry: Joey, what did you DO?!

(Source: Calvin and Hobbes)

_____________

Sammy: NORMAN!

Norman: WHAT?

Sammy: WHERE IS MY BENDY MASK?

Norman: WHAT?

Sammy: WHERE. IS. MY. BENDY. MASK?

Norman: I, UH,…… PUT IT AWAY!

-Ink demon Bendy runs by chasing Wally-

Sammy: …..WHERE?

Norman: WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?

-Sammy rummages through instruments-

Sammy: I NEED IT.

Norman: NUH UH, DON’T YOU THINK OF GOING OFF DOING YOUR PROPHET SHENANIGANS! WE’VE BEEN PLANNING THIS SONG FOR TWO MONTHS!

Sammy: THE STUDIO IS IN DANGER!

Norman: MY JOB IS IN DANGER!

Sammy: YOU TELL ME WHERE MY MASK IS, PROJECTIONIST! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD!

Norman: ’GREATER GOOD?’ I AM YOUR BROTHER AND JOB PARTNER! I AM THE GREATEST GOOD YOU ARE EVER GOING TO GET!

(Source: The Incredibles)

_____________

Ink Demon!Amy: *writing on the wall*

Joey, reading out loud: “The…creator… is…a…big…” HEY!

(Source: Calvin and Hobbes)

_____________

Thomas: I’m getting too old for this shit.

(Source: Stripes)

_____________

Wally, about Joey: Is he sleeping or dead?

Sammy: Hopefully dead, I hated that guy.

Wally: Yeah, me too.

Joey: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL-

(Source: Vine)

_____________

Henry, to Joey: Okay, but if you die you have to get ‘I should have listened to Henry’ carved on your tombstone.

(Source: Texts From Last Night)

_____________

Norman: Okay, truth or dare?

Sammy: Truth

Norman: How many hours have you slept this week?

Sammy:

Sammy: ...Dare

Norman: Go to bed.

Sammy: I don’t like this game.

(Source: Unknown)

_____________

ok, i need a break-