Hooray! Uncle’s Scotty’s latest game, The Arcade At The End Of The Universe, has received its first 1-star review. This is a major milestone in the game’s development, and amazingly is the fastest I have ever received a 1-star review in my just under two years of indie development. Congratulations are therefore surely in order.

Any indie dev knows, without a doubt, that you can’t stop the haters. 1-star reviews have consequently become a clear symbol of success, because they represent the jealousy and consternation of bottom-dwelling basement-feeders who are directing their teenagey-angsty-rage about other issues (possibly parental abandonment, bullying, or poor facial complexion) towards unwitting game makers who are only trying to provide a free, or at least reasonably-priced, form of entertainment. Getting 1-star reviews means that an indie dev has achieved the level of visibility needed to attract the attention of haters, which in-and-of itself is quite the accomplishment. Unfortunately, this classic case of psychological projection on a massive social scale has profound implications for the marketability, and consequently profitability, of indie game projects.

Luckily for me, like my other projects, AATEOTU is a one person side-project developed in my free time in the evenings while working a day job as a writer/editor and visiting my pregnant wife on bedrest in the hospital. If AATEOTU fails to gain critical acclaim, or make any profit whatsoever, I’ve only lost countless hours of my time and possibly some small-to-moderate expenses for marketing. My unborn child will still be fed, and my family will not become homeless as a result of one (or two, or a million) callous clicks of a mouse button. Unlike with a major development studio, nobody will lose their jobs and livelihood because my games get a crummy rating Game Jolt, Google Play, the Apple app store, or anywhere else. The stakes are much lower for me, and while I may grow sour and surly for a few hours after receiving a 1-star review, at least no lives are ruined because of it.

The ease with which some lizardly figures choose to rate a clearly awesome game 1-star confounds me (I mean really, did you even play Gravity Tubing? C’mon…), yet helps me understand why so many developers (indies included) choose to pay for 5-star ratings for their app. For the mere price of a burger and beer, a developer can bury a 1-star review of a free app with 10 or more glowing 5-star reviews from hard-working marketers who, like myself, are only trying to make a bit of cash on the side and have some fun while doing it. Great Cthulhu bless the modern digital market economy!

So for now, let it be known that a smile will cross my lips each and every time I get a shiny new badge of honour in the form of a 1-star review. For each new example of hate I get, I know that I am only getting it because I am getting to you, you lowly hater. And that is what makes this all worthwhile :)