I wish that I was born a girl. There’s so many ppl on this site that are afab, and so little amab. It makes me hard to connect with anyone. I don’t know why. I just can’t. I’d much rather have to live up to/reject beauty standards instead of having to be ugly and gruff and yell at women and drink beer with dinner and marry a woman you hate and have short hair and have stupid ass fucking clothes and be made fun of for liking anything other than football and fps games and playing sports. I just want to feel pretty. Not too feminine, DEFINITELY not masculine, just… pretty. Not to anyone else, not to live up to anybody’s standards, just to be myself. I want to look beautiful to myself. Not my mom, not my friends, not anybody. I want to look like myself. I want to FEEL like myself. I don’t FEEL anything. I can’t. I barely ever can feel positive about myself, no matter how much I style my clothes or grow out my hair, because my mom is going to hate it and my friends are going to be weirded out. I wish I was born a girl so I could be pretty without having to try. Without having to make an effort against my parents’ just to feel like the person I am. Or maybe I don’t want to be born any gender. I just wanna be me. I just wanna feel like me. Look like me. I don’t want to be masculine. I don’t want to be feminine. I don’t want to be in a world in which these things exist. I just want to be myself. Just… me…

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But of course I can’t that’s not how it works so I just have to suck it up and shut the fuck up, just like my parents always tell me to

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:)