Yesterday it had came to public knowledge that Pongy had passed away. That day I've been shocked, numb to many emotions and unable to cry, until I hit breakdowns at midnight. It's been a day of relentless inner conflicts I had, regarding my perception of her death, my lack of direction and whether I've been a selfish person for burining myself in pursuit of a perfect tribute.

Today, feeling less paralysed by the events, I came to start a new piece from scratch, which is the 1st artwork. Despite my horrible midnight, I enjoyed the experience this time; something she would be glad for. I'm especially proud how I doubled on the idea of constellations. I've chosed 4 to accomapny the artwork:

• Pictor // Painter's Easel (top-left) - for her artistical wisdom, inspring and teaching many people. For my appreciation of her craft and time spent helping with my works.

• Sagittarius // Archer (top-right) - for shaping me as a person I am right now (how Sagittarius of me, haha). Secondly might also be a small nod to her interest with bows; she had been drawing herself with these a couple of times.

• Phoenix // Firebird (bottom-left) - for her ability to get us back from our knees, her internal cycle of bloom and sorrow. May she rebirth from the phoenix's ashes.

• Pyxis // Compass (bottom-right) - for the unmeasurable amount of miles you've guided us and me in particular through. It's when you were here we crossed the oceans.

The 2nd drawing, however, had been drawn in November, for her birthday. She had seen and enjoyed it a lot, but I haven't uploaded it at first because I didn't feel so good, but days after, I either kept forgetting or had other work to upload. Here, it finally sees the light.

A thing I would also like to highlight, is that this drawing marked a point where I began to experiment more with line thickness and smoothness, as well as motivated me to draw eyes the other way. It means a lot to me.

Many remember her as an aspiring pixel artist or that one cute person of a couple servers. For others she's remembered for the constant support through no matter what, like a beacon that's always there amidst the restless seas. Her value to me, however, is hard to describe within a single sentence.

She always was there for a fun dialog, where we could talk about whatever hits our minds; an experience so rarely I felt with anyone else. She always was the person to pick me up from the ground and go through the same woes and argues of mine. She always was the person I wished to devote even more time. I could call her the closest person that I've ever had.

If not for her blood and tears, her teaching and companionship, her comfort and warmth: I wouldn't be standing there the way I am. My rare occasions of clarity, a good chunk of my passions, knowledge and morals had been heavily influenced by her alone.

To pay such a person tribute is not to come up with the flashiest artwork or the fanciest pair of words, as I was selfishly thinking yesterday. It's to execute her last wish, work with the biggest concern she had regarding people around and me in particular: "I'm afraid to imagine how you would be living if I wasn't there".

		
			
Running down the maze,
In pursuit of these shiny rays
The woes I must meet,
Reveals your skipped beat

And another star comes to end
Our only sister coming quick to mend
See the constellations you've bound
And make no mistake, there's hope yet to hound

Hiding from the haze,
In-between your warming gaze
The gold beneath my feet,
I wish I could greet

And another star comes to end
Our only sister comming quick to mend
See the constellations you've bound
And make no mistake, there's hope yet to hound

I promised to share your gloom
I promised to live a changed life
I promise I will carry my forsaken cross
		
	

Thank you, Pongy. 🌹