How do I meet the strangest men They always seem to find me

Remember that time way back when I

Kissed a guy who ate his women friends

Now only dogs will follow me (is he following?)

I bite at the hand that feeds me

I slap at the face that eats me

Some kind of animal cannibal

Made impressions on me

Have we met before? (Possibly in Michigan)

In some strange department store :)