It has been a while, has it? Last i checked the last post was 12 days ago, which to you may seem not a while, but for me, it feels like forever. I will explain why, and i hope that it satisfies some of you. (God i talk like im famous lmao)

Life...has been less than ideal. Sure, good things has happened, but it doesn't feel significant enough to make it feel worth going through the bad.

I am physically and mentally drained during both the second half of October and the entirety of November. Just so you are aware, i have no form of mental issues to my knowledge. The only exception to this is ADHD.

The physical drain i can explain. I had to move a bunch of heavy crap to a storage unit up a flight of stairs. And, considering i'm not strong as hell, it was quite a struggle. But i got through it just fine, was simply exhausted, that's all. The REAL reason would be i fell down HARD with a cold the week after. It took most of november to wear off, so i wasn't really feeling the best, you feel me? Hope ya understand. It may seem minor but that's the reason for the physical drain.

As for the mental drain, i cant explain so easily. But i will try.

It feels like i've been mentally blocked, like I can't be more. maybe it's because i've already reached being the guy i've always wanted to be (social, outgoing, chill but vigilant guy with some common sense) or maybe it's because i don't know how to improve. It's very hard to put into words, so it would probably be better to say i've been distant. I've been trying to stay positive, but all of social media (especially so twitter, but i don't really go there anyways) has made me feel kinda distant from just...being positive. It feels like no one is positive these days (which i know is a bullshit lie, but bear with me) and what "positivity" is there feels like its pushing an agenda or promoting something. As for my online friends, i know they are good people, and they are having actual positive change in my life, (People like @Fredinator and @MysterSoup to name 2, but there's a whole lot.) But it feels like my positivity feels not genuine. Like it's meant to be positive, but it feels like fake positivity. But i'm getting a little off topic here.

I've just been feeling like crap. Complete, pure, utter crap. I wish i could explain in more detail but i cannot due to rather obvious and not so obvious reasons. This was how i was feeling from February of this year to even this very post. But not all is bad, of course.

Although i'm feeling rather negative, a lot of good things happened too. Although i cant exactly list them all, as some is VERY personal, but ill list the ones i can:

I have a cat now. Her name is Ruby, and she has single handedly improved my life majorly. She is a stray cat i took into my home, and she's been here since. She loves me, i love her, and im glad she decided to choose me out of the 100s of people she met while out and about.

Ive made a slew of new online friends, majorly most people in my discord server and on gamejolt, but some outliers are:

@Fredinator
@MysterSoup
Sushipay
Unoriginalmanh
and StarSoCrazy (had been friends for years now but im putting him here still.)

These people have, and will always be my friends. Words cannot describe how thankful i am for them just being funny, kind, good people. (funny i say that when thanksgiving is literally around the corner)

But these are one of many people that have improved my mood and made me feel less negative.

I didn't want to leave it on a sad note, so i just wanted to tell you i still have people with a positive impact. But i'm not done yet, though, i still have 3 people to name. I haven't interacted with them much, but they are still very cool people:

@MoonyOrMe : For being the coolest bucket bro i have ever had the chance to meme with.

@kazovsky For just being a bro, i know we didn't talk much, more so after TRTBN blew up (TOTALLY DESERVED BY THE WAY) but from what i can tell you are a good guy, despite all that.

@Starbruhz for being a unit and suddenly boosting some of my posts to her community page (and in advance, if this gets featured, thank you.) and being overall just a cool person. I highly recommend you go support her game and herself through her ko-fi.

I thank you all for reading this massive bloody post. Sorry if it looks like me just spewing a buncha bologna, trying to speak from the heart here. Go support the people i mentioned, they seriously appreciate it. Also, just because you were not named here doesn't mean you didn't have an impact on me.

Much love;

HalaoMaykr, bucket god.

TL;DR: Feeling real negative, and i have been feeling better thanks to good, kind people...and a cat.