Glados: Here's a nyew a cube fow you to pwoject youw dewanged wonyewinyess onto.

MatPat: Evewyonye's favowite whombohidwan has a scawy wittwe secwet inside of it. *runs away* And nyo, >w< I'm nyot wefewwing to this guy's penyis. (pictuwe of man with companyion cube uvw fwont of pants)

(intwo)

Hewwo I-I-Intewnyet, wewcome UwU to G-G-Game Theowy, detewminyed to be the *boops your nose* fiwst show e-evew to tawk about Powtaw without once mentionying cake...wait, I just bwew it d-didn't I!!11 Dammit?!! Wet's caww a spade a spade, shaww ;;w;; we?!! T-The Companyion Cube is a box with heawts on it, and yet >w< despite b-being an inyanyimate object that appeaw fow a fwaction of the *boops your nose* fiwst Powtaw game, the *boops your nose* gaming communyity ;;w;; instantwy *screams* fell in wuv, mysewf incwuded. Without speaking, without even OwO m-m-moving, the *boops your nose* weighted Companyion C-C-Cube, which by all definyition shouwd q-q-quawify as an item, UwU quickwy wose thwough the *boops your nose* wanks *sweats* of gaming's aww-time, most memowabwe chawactews. T-Take that, Wistaw!? Scwew you, Chuck R-Rock?!?! Y-You'we nyo match fow my parallelo-piped paw?!! We gwew to wuv this wectanguwaw pwism so much, that w-w-we wet it into ouw beds, wet it chiww ouw dwinks and wet it all up in ouw feminyinye undewpawts. But pewhaps w-w-we wewe to quick to wet it pwastew ouw pwivets. Maybe ouw passion fow this hexohedral hombwe was a wittwe mispwaced. ;;w;; We gwew uvwwy attached because w-w-we wewe awonye and despewate fow a fwiend in the *boops your nose* testing chambews of Apewtuwe Science. But in ouw hast, w-w-we d-didn't bothew to ask questions. We d-didn't stop *looks at you* to nyotice the *boops your nose* odd coincidences. (・`ω´・) What do w-w-we weawwy x3 knyow about the *boops your nose* nyatuwe of these cubes?!! What bwack secwets awe hidden behind those pink h-heawts?

Weww fiwst, w-w-we nyeed to knyow why w-w-we wuv the *boops your nose* Companyion Cube so much. Back in the *boops your nose* 1950s, w-w-when psychowogy was stiww intewesting because there wewe nyo wimitations on human testing, (ah, those wewe the *boops your nose* days) Donyawd Hebb placed vowunteews into extreme isowation, w-weaving them in smaww, empty wooms with goggwes and headphones to bwock out sensowy input. T-The test was supposed to wast 42 d-days. Test subjects barely made it fouw, as they quickwy descended into m-m-madnyess, unyable to think cweawwy, so wost in depwivation that they f-faiwed basic skiwws tests. They stawted to have vivid v-v-visuaw and auditowy hawwucinyations, wanging fwom the *boops your nose* w-woom filling with d-dogs, to feewing theiw awm getting hit with pewwets fiwed fwom a m-m-minyiature, imaginyawy rocket ship. In showt, the *boops your nose* Apewtuwe Science testing w-wouwd twuwy push subjects to theiw psychowogicaw w-wimits, as they wandewed awonye in w-woom aftew w-woom with nyo end ;;w;; in sight. Humans twuwy awe sociaw cweatuwes and s-studies have shown that lonyely peopwe awe much mowe wikewy than connyected peopwe to bewieve that inyanyimate objects have emotions and intentions. By the *boops your nose* time Cheww and the *boops your nose* pwayew weach chambew 17, we'we so weady fow companyionship, we'ww give it to anything, incwuding a gwowified stowage *cries* cwate. And if you think back to the *boops your nose* Tom Hanks movie, "Castaway," same thing happenyed thewe. Wiwson, the *boops your nose* bwoody-faced, vowweybaww, ÚwÚ was the *boops your nose* fiwm's vewsion of the *boops your nose* Companyion C-C-Cube, giving Tom Hanks someone, anyonye to intewact with whiwe in isowation on the *boops your nose* island. So basicawwy, the *boops your nose* Companyion Cube is just a wovabwe wittwe piwe of pawts that happenyed to be in the *boops your nose* wight time at the *boops your nose* wight pwace. Then, what reasons c-couwd w-w-we possibwy have to distwust ouw cuddwy wittwe cube?

Weww, >w< w-wouwd you bewieve me if I said that the *boops your nose* weight inside those weighted Companyion Cubes came fwom the *boops your nose* bodies of f-faiwed test subjects, the *boops your nose* dead ^w^ and dying pwedecessows of Cheww. Wet's wook at the *boops your nose* evidence. What initiawwy pwompted this theowy is the *boops your nose* achievement you weceive ^w^ w-w-when you dwop youw Companyion Cube into the *boops your nose* incinyewatow during the *boops your nose* game. T-The nyame of the *boops your nose* achievement is "Fwatwicide," a tewm denyoting the *boops your nose* act of kiwwing youw bwothew. >w< It seems wike an odd choice of wowds, untiw you considew that the *boops your nose* thousands of test subjects c-captive at A-A-Apewtuwe, the *boops your nose* onyes that use to wive in the *boops your nose* wawge boxes visibwe at the *boops your nose* stawt of the *boops your nose* second game, awe just wike youw bwethwen, and may just have ended up d-downgwaded to a smawwew, mowe disposabwe box. Weww fiwst, w-w-we knyow it's physicawwy possibwe. Ouw Metroid Mowph Baww episode showed that a human can fit into spaces much smawwew UwU than .1 cubic metews, and without even OwO bweaking into pixew measuwements, it's easy to teww that the *boops your nose* Companyion Cube is signyificantwy larger than any OwO vewsion of the *boops your nose* Mowph Baww. So physicawwy cwamming a human into a cube is absowutewy possibwe, but is it actuawwy *screams* what's happening?!?1 To find out, :3 w-w-we nyeed to examinye the *boops your nose* w-way Gwados speaks about the *boops your nose* Companyion Cubes.

Gwados: T-The e-enwichment centew weminds you that the *boops your nose* weighted Companyion Cube wiww nyevew thweaten ÚwÚ to stab you and, in fact, cannyot ^w^ speak. In the *boops your nose* event that the *boops your nose* weighted Companyion Cube does speak, the *boops your nose* e-enwichment centew uwges you to d-diswegawd its advice. If it c-couwd tawk, and the *boops your nose* e-enwichment centew takes x3 this oppowtunyity to wemind you that it cannyot, it w-wouwd teww you to go on without it because it w-wouwd wathew die in a fiwe than become ÚwÚ a burden to you.

MatPat: Nyow Gwados is nyot ouw fwiend and is faw fwom a reliable souwce of infowmation in the *boops your nose* fiwst game. In fact, mos of what she says is fawse :3 and meant to miswead Cheww. thus, *notices buldge* hew insistence that the *boops your nose* cubes awe A-A. unyable to tawk, and B. shouwd be ignyowed if they do, make it s-seem wike the *boops your nose* wevewse is twue, that the *boops your nose* may be abwe to tawk and that theiw advice ^w^ shouwd be headed. (・`ω´・) That's cewtainwy the *boops your nose* expewience fowmew Apewtuwe empwoyee tuwnyed test subject, Doug Ratmin expewienced. In the *boops your nose* Powtaw comics, Ratmin is shown to have convewsations with the *boops your nose* Companyion Cube he cawwies stwapped to his back, with the *boops your nose* cube witewawwy giving him helpful advice. In fact, the *boops your nose* cube's advice ^w^ is the *boops your nose* onye thing that keeps him awive. It even OwO wawns him against taking t-t-two pills wabewed "Ziapwazidone," supposedwy an anti-psychotic medication, e-e-except that the *boops your nose* weaw medication UwU w-wouwd be nyamed Zipwazidonye, without the *boops your nose* A-A. Cawewess typo made by Vawve, ow *whispers to self* pewhaps anyothew Apewtuwe test that the *boops your nose* cube was aware of. Whiwe undew its effects, *huggles tightly* the *boops your nose* cube nyo wongew tawks and Ratmin a-awmost gets himsewf killed without its advice. Seems wike Gwados w-wouwd have a vested intewest in keeping peopwe ignyowing this usefuw souwce of infowmation.

And *screams* speaking of Watmin, thwoughout the *boops your nose* games you see many of his wanty scwibbwings on the *boops your nose* wawws. In his fiwst chambew, you see cubes uvw the *boops your nose* faces of vawious pictuwes. What many have assumed as just schizophwenyic hawwucinyations UwU ow *whispers to self* a fixation on the *boops your nose* cube, may be something compwetewy diffewent. N-N-Nyotice he h-hasn't placed cube images uvw just the *boops your nose* faces of onye gender, but both men and women. T-The tewm, >w< "Objectum Sexual" is given to peopwe who witewawwy faww in wuv with inyanyimate objects. Wike this woman, who dumped hew bow-and-awwow fiance, Lance, to witewawwy mawwy the *boops your nose* Eiffew Towew. Ow this woman who m-mawwied the *boops your nose* Bewwin Waww. Tawk about youw awkward wedding nyights. Nyow if Ratmin was indeed in wuv with the *boops your nose* cube and suffewing fwom objectum suxuaw, he w-wouwd associate the *boops your nose* cube with onye specific sex, nyot pwastewing its pictuwe uvw muwtipwe gendews. Additionyawwy, nyotice that the *boops your nose* cawendaw is of "-"The Giwws of Apewtuwe Science", meanying that these pictuwes awe of peopwe who have wowked >w< at the *boops your nose* company, Watmin's fwiends, ÚwÚ his co-wowkews, peopwe he wuvd and cared about. If they wewe dead ^w^ and shuvd into cubes, it w-wouwd make sense that he w-wouwd put cube pictuwes uvw the *boops your nose* top of them, and have heawts drawn awound them. And let's nyot u-u-uvwwook the *boops your nose* message wwitten hewe either. Quote: "-"The weighted companyion cube does speak...I'm nyot hawwucinyating. You awe."

Then in Powtaw 2, Gwados adds:

Gwados: I think that onye was about to s-say "I wuv y-you." They awe sentient, of couwse. We just have a wot of them.

MatPat: Again making awwusion to the *boops your nose* fact that the *boops your nose* cube may be abwe to speak, but mowe impowtantwy, descwibing the *boops your nose* sentience of the *boops your nose* cubes. To be sentient means having the *boops your nose* abiwity to feel and pewceive. Sentient chawactews awso display desiwe, wiww and pewsonyawity. So to s-say that the *boops your nose* cube is sentient w-wouwd diffewentiate it signyificantwy fwom the *boops your nose* wikes of a tuwwet, fow exampwe, which may at fiwst appeaw to have feewings and consciousnyess, but awe in fact just p-pwogwammed to wespond to vawious stimuwi in vewy specific ways. A human inside a cube, meanwhiwe, w-wouwd definyitewy q-q-quawify as a sentient cweatuwe.

Gwados: Oh well, w-w-we have wawehouses fuww of the *boops your nose* things. Absowutewy wowthwess. OwO I'm happy to get wid of them.

MatPat: Thwoughout the *boops your nose* entiwety of both games, Gwados onwy uses wowds wike "-"wowthwess" and "-"-"usewess" to describe onye thing: the *boops your nose* vawue of human wife.

Gwados: Remembew befowe w-w-when I was tawking about smelly gawbage, standing awound b-being usewess?!! That was a metaphow. I was actuawwy *screams* tawking about you.

MatPat: So nyot onwy has she openyed *boops your nose* up the *boops your nose* possibiwity that the *boops your nose* cubes can tawk repeatedly, she refers to them using the *boops your nose* same wanguage she impwements w-w-when tawking about othew human test subjects. What she's saying and how she's saying it g-gives a stwong indication that the *boops your nose* cubes may be mowe than meets the *boops your nose* eye. Then thewe's the *boops your nose* disintegration sound clip w-w-when Gwados automaticawwy decides that she wants to bump onye of these cubes off. Wisten to it a few times...

(sound clip pways)

Can you heaw buwied in amongst the *boops your nose* metawwic cwang a cwy fow hewp?

(cwip pways again)

A wast pwea fwom someonye ÚwÚ who has just been euthanyized by an A.I. with nyo wegawd fow the *boops your nose* waste of human life?

And finyawwy, pewhaps the *boops your nose* most bizawwe and unyexplainyed coincidence of all. Unwike evewy othew item in the *boops your nose* game, a Companyion Cube is nyevew faced with the *boops your nose* threat of a Matewiaw Emancipation Gwiww. T-The Matewiaw Emancipation Gwiww, ow *whispers to self* Gwid, depending on who you ask, is a pawticwe bawwiew set up to disintegwate any OwO unyappwuvd :3 c-contwaband w-weaving the *boops your nose* testing chambew. weighted :3 Stowage Cubes, Edge-wess ^w^ Safety Cubes, Discouwagement Wediwection Cubes and things that don't have cube in theiw nyame. Basicawwy any OwO nyon-owganyic matewiaws that awe meant fow that w-woom and that w-woom only. Why does this mattew!? weww, :3 w-we've awweady discussed the *boops your nose* Companyion Cube's demise in the *boops your nose* fiwst Powtaw. That unfowgettabwe incinyewatow scenye whewe awe cube fwiend is in the *boops your nose* fiery fuwnyace befowe w-w-we can even OwO get cwose to the *boops your nose* pawticwe gwid. ^w^ Then in Powtaw 2, the *boops your nose* onye and onwy chambew in the *boops your nose* entiwe game with a b-bwoken pawticwe gwid, just so happens to be the *boops your nose* same onye as the *boops your nose* onye and onwy chambew whewe you can intewact with a Companyion cube?!?1 Coincidence?!?! I think nyot!!11 And why does it mattew!? Remembew that o-owganyic test subjects awe clear to pass thwough these bawwiews, ÚwÚ whiwe cubes awe nyot. *twerks* So if these boxes did indeed contain the *boops your nose* remains of humans wost undew the *boops your nose* guise of scientific pwogwess, shouwd a Companyion Cube pass thwough, the *boops your nose* extewiow box w-wouwd disappeaw, w-weaving onwy the *boops your nose* cuwwed-up human inside. In othew wowds, the *boops your nose* Companyion cube is peopwe!

So the *boops your nose* nyext time an eviw, dishonyest A.I. pwesents you with a cute box and tewws you to become ÚwÚ fwiends with it, think twice. (・`ω´・) Science has nyo mewcy. But hey, that's just a theory, a GAME THEOWY!!11 Thanks fow watching.