like the pictures I have in my mind and the description to them, they so wishy washy sometimes, like if I was able to draw them you would think and AI made them, I really show wanna show my feelings, show what I'm thinking, show what is inside of me.

... Idk if I should post this to be honest, but if you read this you know I did it anyway, I hope you don't mind me posting more deep stuff, since most of the times I'm a bit more of a happy person here I think, I'm just going down and up at the moment, and my surroundings don't help, I keep asking if I can help knowing that I probably can't, knowing I have stuff to finish, but I just wand to have something I can look at and see I'm helpful, I was able to help, I'm important, ....

To be honest, I don't really know what I wand or what I need.
And the fact that it feels like I'm losing good friends of mine or that they just not interested in being my friends any longer or that they just no longer need me, that doesn't help.
I just don't know... but don't worry about me, I'm not like little me. I'm not gonna end my life, because I know it useless to do so, and I know there people who would/will miss me.

heh this is surprisingly deep, so much to I can't write deep stuff, but it not the kind of deep I meant, but I guess it still is something, if you read all this thank you, I don't really have anything else to say here now, but I guess I already said engouth.

This actually made me feel a but better, I guess this is why people do it