I know I can tell my parents how I feel but I don't know how I can tell them that I don't wanna live or explain why I don't think that I won't last to adulthood because it would probably make my mother cry and once again I don't wanna do that :(

It's just hard to tell people when I kept it to myself for a long time. I remember that after school my mom would ask how was my day and I would lie by saying "I'm fine" or "I'm good" when I'm not.

And the fact that history is repeating again doesn't help either and I hope that project 2025 doesn't get passed.

I also don't get how my parents rarely ever goes into my room to ask how I am doing mentally so I guess I don't get that much attention, I mean I do get attention but most of the time I stay in my room. I don't know why I stay in my room.

The generations are getting worse, the world is to. I want my innocence and mental health back :(